Surely, everyone loves a good love story, right? It certainly seems as if this would be true, especially since tales of love between two people and happy endings have turned romance books into a billion-dollar-a-year industry. From sweet to steamy, Christian to paranormal, and everything in between, there are all kinds of stories that fall into the category of romance. And, according to Romance Writers of America, there are all kinds of readers as well, with 84% of them women and 16% men, and all ages represented, although the majority are aged between 30 and 54.
Gift from early in our marriage
Despite the popularity of this genre, there are some critics out there who seem to think romance is a bad thing. The detractors are not making reference to books that go against their belief system or are offensive in some way. Instead, they are pronouncing all romance novels as being bad for marriages because they set up unrealistic expectations about how marriage is supposed to be.
I think this is as ridiculous as saying all good restaurants are bad because they set up unrealistic expectations about how food is supposed to be. And, just as a fantastic meal together adds benefits both people can enjoy, such as having something different than the same old boring dinner, enjoying the treat of being waited on and made to feel special, and adding some fun to spice up everyday life; romance novels offer many of the same rewards, especially if they are used as a source of ideas for making your marriage more enjoyable and bringing you and your spouse closer together.
An even more creative way to use a romance novel to improve your own relationship is to acquire one that actually stars you and your spouse! Did you know there are several companies that specialize in producing personalized romance novels? You provide information such as you and your spouse’s names, details such as how you met, what kind of car you drive, nicknames, hair color, favorite foods, and other facts, and they put it into a romance novel.
My husband actually surprised me with a few of these personalized romance novels over the course of several gift-giving occasions. (Well, it wasn’t actually that much of a surprise since I hinted that I wanted these.) Each one is set in a different exotic location and range from mild to a little bit steamy, although there are several companies out there that specialize in explicit books, so you need to check the heat level if you don’t want something too erotic.
One of my favorites was set on a South African game reserve. Not only did we go on safari in the story, but we had to deal with a killer on the loose! Greg was my hero and he vowed to protect me, whatever it took. The story was fun, although it was a bit ridiculous at times. The book was made even more entertaining by the fact that we took turns reading it aloud to one another and laughing at our adventures and at how the book had us making love every couple of pages!
If you want to find a personalized romance novel, just try doing an internet search for “romance novel starring you” or “personalized romance novels” and lots of different companies will appear. Some are more well-written than others, but even a poorly written novel can provide a fun activity for you and your spouse if you read it together. It’s funny how much I got into the storyline and actually started feeling as if Greg and I were teaming up together against the bad guy in the book. And, of course, I had to give him a kiss because he was my hero!
If you are a bit creative or are looking for a more economical alternative, you can always write your own romance. It doesn’t have to be an entire book. Even a short story about you and your spouse on a romantic adventure, read together, can add a bit of fairy-tale romance to your real world marriage.
Give it a try and let me know how your story turns out. For more ideas, remember to hit the “Follow” button on this blog and respond to the confirmation email. You’ll receive one free email per week with more romantic tips and stories. Also, please check out my earlier posts, “Like” my Facebook page at www.facebook.com/belleoftheballpoint and follow me at www.pinterest.com/nancyrose9
Tonight, as I looked through my bookshelves, one title in particular caught my eye. A copy of Wallis and Edward: Letters 1931-1937. More information was detailed on the bottom of the cover in the subtitle, The Intimate Correspondence of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor.
The book, one of many printed companions I became acquainted with at a used book sale held at the local public library, called to me the first moment I read its name. I knew immediately that this book would be filled with romance and emotion as real as the hard cover of the book itself.
For those of you unfamiliar with the history of this couple, King Edward VIII fell in love with an American divorcee named Wallis Simpson. The fact that he wanted to marry a woman who had two living ex-husbands was quite scandalous in the U.K. Rather than give up the love of his life, Edward chose, instead, to abdicate the throne. He married Wallis six months later. His brother took his place as king and named Edward as the Duke of Windsor and Wallis became the duchess.
The book is a compilation of letters Edward and Wallis wrote to each other from the first time they met until they became husband and wife. As the blurb on the dust jacket boasts, “Perhaps the most romantic documents of our time, they chart the course of Edward’s overwhelming passion for Wallis, dramatically illuminating the mystery of their attraction.”
This description certainly sounds enticing. It sounds as if reading these letters would shed light on some private, unknown secret about love, itself. For some reason, it got me thinking about why people like to read love letters as much as they do and even made me wonder if a search for some hidden essence of love is at the heart of it all.
Of course, people enjoy reading how much someone cares for them. They like compliments and being told they are special. But it has been my experience that it is almost as if the reader is looking for deeper insight when they are reading a love letter.
There is just something about a note in your loved one’s own handwriting, a type of intimacy that comes from getting a glimpse into a part of who they are through their penmanship, their choice of words, and the style of writing unique to them. Even something as small as knowing he or she held the very same piece of paper in their own hands, like fingers lightly caressing your face, can help you feel more of a connection to your loved one.
When I read a love letter, I tend to scrutinize it more closely than other things I read. I study each word very carefully, making sure I don’t miss anything. Sometimes I read it over and over again. Sometimes I even read between the lines trying to figure out the emotion implied in the writing.
Tonight, I told my husband about the subject of this week’s blog. In response, he wrote a love letter to me. The words were beautiful, filled with descriptions of stars and the moon and the universe. But looking deeper, past the words, beat the pulse of the heart of the matter, the essence of love. He gave something up for me, sacrificing his time to make the effort to communicate how much he loved me. But, more importantly, he let down his guard, removed the armor of self-protection and allowed himself to become vulnerable enough to reveal his heart. Putting his feelings in writing turns them into something tangible, something that now exists on its own out in the world. That is the heart of love, taking a risk and giving up something for someone else with no expectation of anything in return.
Why don’t you put pen to paper, dip into the inkwell of your heart, and give your spouse a glimpse of what is hiding between the lines. Write a sentence, a small note, or a full page love letter. Sacrifice a moment of your time and give the gift of love.
“You don’t find love, it finds you. It’s got a little bit to do with destiny, fate, and what’s written in the stars.” -Anaïs Nin
As the following true story illustrates, sometimes things don’t work out the way we expect them to, but rather, the way they are meant to be.
Vanessa dated Scott in high school. He was her first, true love. Not only did she have strong feelings for him, but she had also really taken a liking to his family as well. Everything seemed to be working out and she really believed the two of them would get married. Unfortunately, that belief was destroyed when Scott unexpectedly dumped Vanessa for another girl.
Although the romantic relationship between the two of them was finished, she continued to visit his mom and dad from time to time. Through her continued contact with the family, she learned that Scott’s brother, David, had just broken up with his girlfriend of many years. While having a conversation with David, Vanessa told him about a dance club in town that she enjoyed. The two of them ended up meeting at the club, where David asked her to dance and bought her drinks.
It seemed like a quick attraction or, as Vanessa now jokes, perhaps it was the booze. In any case, they kissed on the dance floor. He ended up driving her home since she didn’t have her car. Before they went on another date, David first asked his brother, Scott, if he minded. Vanessa thought that, initially, Scott was hurt or taken aback, but in the end, he said, “Yeah, sure. Better with you than some jerk.”
The relationship progressed quickly. Vanessa felt so comfortable and enjoyed being with him even more each day. They dated only six months and got engaged. In another six months, they were married, on October 16, 1982. Vanessa was 20 years old and David was 24.
They will be celebrating 32 years of marriage this year, dearly love each other, and are bonding more now that their children are grown. Nevertheless, it has not always been perfect. Vanessa tells her own children not to get married as young as she did. She advises others to date as long as they can. She admits she and her husband had to grow up quickly and had all the responsibilities of a home and the bills. Vanessa also acknowledges how, when they were first married, they fought like crazy and it seemed as if they were very mismatched.
She jokingly remarked, “I thought I couldn’t move back home after my parents gave me this huge wedding, so I stuck it out!”
They didn’t want children at first and, believing they were both too immature, they waited until they were ready, seven years later. Upon reflection, Vanessa says she believes if they had kids right off, there is no way they would have made it.
As the years progressed, things got better. David wasn’t one to help with baths, changing etc, but he did play with the kids. Vanessa describes her husband as a jack-of-all-trades, from cars, to fixing things to everything. She also says he is a good-hearted person who would do anything in the world for her and is an amazing father. They both dearly love their two children and are very proud of how they turned out, with their son having his own home at age 24 and their daughter graduating soon with a degree in Art Education. These two incredible children and the marriage from which they came were all part of the life Vanessa was meant to live. Had she married the man she thought she would wed all those years ago, she would now be a widow. Sadly, Scott passed away a few years ago.
Nothing can sum up how this marriage has lasted better than Vanessa’s own words:
“One thing I could say that has held us together is we did both have parents that stayed together, married over 50 years, so I’m sure that is a big influence. And we do have some huge fights sometimes, but we talk things out. He doesn’t like to communicate and would rather forget it, but now we get things out in the open. We can tease and laugh at each other. Thank God, David loves to laugh like me. I look forward to seeing him every day and can’t imagine my life without him. I have thought about leaving and seeing if there is someone better for me, but really there isn’t. You really have to both put effort into things and respect each other and don’t take each other for granted is the main thing.”
“And I agree with what you wrote on this blog about how love isn’t always romantic. It’s about being there for someone. Like when you are too sick and they bring you tea and medicine. Or fix your car. Or call and worry about you when you are not home and the roads are snowy. All of those things, David has shown me. And complimenting me and saying how he is so lucky to have me and how beautiful I am to him. All that helps. No, it’s not just getting flowers routinely or lavish gifts. There are times when one can’t afford things, but just a small gesture or a card on holidays, just to know you are thought of is all it takes. I hate when men don’t even remember birthdays, or holidays go by with nothing. I have known friends with spouses like that. That is so not fair. You need to appreciate your spouse or they will be looking elsewhere!”
A few days after Vanessa shared her story with me, I received an email from her with something more she wanted me to include. The email said:
“I just wanted to add that I told David about me emailing you all of this for the blog. I asked him what he thinks helped us make it 30 years. Actually, it will be 32 in October. He said he has a lot of patience, LOL, and I told him, ‘yeah, I do too’.”
The following true story was submitted by a reader. It was edited by Belle of the Ballpoint.
Sue and Anthony first met after Anthony’s family moved directly across the street from her in the early winter of 1968, while Sue was in the first grade. Anthony’s brother, Ralph, was in Sue’s grade. Their sister, Lynda, was a year older, and their sister, Carol, was a year younger than Sue.
As time went by, the children in the neighborhood grew. During the spring when Sue was in the eighth grade, she purchased a purple Nerf football for fun. She thought the neighborhood kids might enjoy a game of tag football. On the next beautiful evening, Sue gathered her neighborhood friends for a game of ball in her front yard. Anthony happened to be outside, across the street, and came over to play, too. When Sue emerged from her house with the football, Anthony exclaimed, “It’s purple! Purple is my favorite color!”
“Mine, too!” Sue said.
A photo I took at Disney’s Wedding Pavilion
Sue didn’t really know Anthony well, but she enjoyed the fact that they had something in common. She thought he was cute in a freckled-faced kid kind of way, for he was small and seemed to her to be a lot younger than she was, at least five years. Anthony was very competitive during the game and sneered when something went wrong. Sue took it personally and decided that Anthony didn’t like her much. The game played on until dark and then they went home.
The following spring, Sue was in the ninth grade and in high school. There was no time for purple Nerf football with the neighborhood kids now, for she was way too “mature” for such things. Instead, her interest turned toward a particular boy on the basketball team, whom she dated during the summer after her freshman year. She ended up marrying him after college. Sixteen and a half years later, the marriage came to an end.
After her divorce, Sue predominately dated one man, but they broke up and got back together so many times that she had become weary. They could not see eye-to-eye on certain important issues. She knew she wanted to remarry someday and hoped to find someone with whom she was compatible.
Meanwhile, in her work life, the twenty-one years Sue had put in at her small hometown newspaper paid off as she worked her way up the ladder from county reporter/photographer to editor-in-chief. She loved her staff members, who made work fun, and she also loved the members of her hometown community.
Then one day, her main city reporter announced his engagement to his college sweetheart. They were to be married in a year, and the staff was invited to the big celebration. As it turned out, the groom-to-be was Anthony’s nephew.
Although she did not know it at the time, Sue later learned how Anthony, during a visit with his parents a year prior to the wedding, looked out his parents’ front dining room window and saw Sue getting out of her car at her parents’ house. Anthony, who always had a secret crush on Sue while growing up, asked, “So, what’s she like?”
“She’s wonderful!” his nephew replied, without revealing how his curiosity was aroused by his divorced uncle’s interest in his female boss.
“We played tag football a few times with a purple Nerf when we were kids,” Anthony explained.
“Uh, huh,” his nephew responded, observing Anthony’s obvious interest in the long, dark-haired woman walking across her parents’ porch to the front door. Anthony tried to play it cool, but his nephew caught on. “She’s divorced, you know.”
“Yes,” Anthony answered quietly, while gazing at Sue from afar as she entered her parents’ home — a sight he had watched so many times before while growing up across the street from her.
The wedding day arrived quickly and Sue, not wanting to go alone to the big celebration without an escort, invited her ex-boyfriend to the event. She was off again with the same guy she was always off and on with, only this time it was off forever for her. Sue was sure of it. But, she invited the man anyway because she didn’t want to go alone to the wedding, and she found out he had nothing else to do that Saturday. It was a win-win for both.
Unfortunately, Sue and her escort missed the actual wedding ceremony because they didn’t have a GPS at the time and got lost in an unfamiliar town, three hours away from where they lived. They headed straight to where the reception was being held and waited. Slowly, people filtered into the reception hall. Soon, the place was bustling with friends and family, awaiting the arrival of the wedding party. The D.J. eventually announced the arrival of the bride and groom. One by one, the wedding party was introduced, with one person in particular catching Sue’s attention.
That’s ‘little’ Anthony! He has really grown into a handsome man, she thought as she watched him walk into the hall and make his way to the table. Sue hadn’t seen Anthony in about 27 years, not since he graduated from high school just two years behind her. She knew he was divorced, but she didn’t know if he was seeing anyone or if he would be interested in her.
Right before dinner was served, the groom walked to the table where his coworkers were seated and talked. After a short visit, he walked over to Sue and said, “Come with me. I want to show you something.” Walking her over to a table where people were sitting, he touched the shoulder of a man seated with his back to them and said, “I want you to meet someone”.
Anthony looked at his nephew and then twisted around as far as he could in his chair. When he saw Sue standing there, he suddenly shot up, tripping on a chair leg.
“Hi! How are you?” he exclaimed to Sue, gathering his composure while laughing along with all the eyewitnesses to his mishap.
“My! You’ve really grown up!” Sue said, referring to the fact that the last time she saw Anthony he was only four foot eight inches tall and thin. Now, he was a strong six feet tall and only one and a half years younger than her, not five years, as she always believed. The visit between them was brief. Sue had to return to her seat because dinner was ready to be served. She wanted to talk more with Anthony and catch up, but how could she manage it with an escort? She didn’t want to be rude and leave him sitting at the table alone while she visited with another man. But Sue knew Anthony would never come over to talk to her since she brought a male guest, plus, Anthony didn’t know if she was dating the man or not.
Sue watched Anthony out of the corner of her eye during the dinner and the first half of the reception. It was going by so fast and Sue felt sure she was running out of time. The clock was the enemy at work with news deadlines and now it was the enemy on a fun night out, causing her to worry that she might never get to talk to Anthony.
Finally, Sue’s date had to go to the men’s room. This is my only chance, Sue thought, while mustering the courage to walk over and talk to Anthony. The distance to him seemed like a mile. She prayed a silent prayer for strength, as she got up and walked to Anthony, who appeared to be ending a conversation with someone. Her heart pounding in her chest, she asked, “So, how have you been after all these years?”
She doesn’t remember his reply or most of their conversation that night. However, she does remember that he acted extremely interested in her. He asked if she was involved with anyone, and she said no. She explained that she had an escort that day, but he was just a friend now. Anthony was divorced for many years and Sue found out later that he, too, wanted to find someone to marry. He also dated someone off and on over several years, but he knew in his heart she wasn’t the one for him.
Sue and Anthony conversed for a while before he asked if she would ever want to get married again.
“Sure. But only to the right guy.”
Anthony then asked her if she would ever be willing to move away from her hometown. Sue said yes. Before parting, she gave him her email address. He emailed her a few days later and then they exchanged phone numbers and got to know each other better on the phone. After a little more than a month’s worth of nightly phone conversations, Anthony returned to his hometown for an official date: dinner and a movie. The film they saw was “Nights in Rodanthe”, a romance based on the book by Nicholas Sparks.
Anthony visited Sue at least twice a month until they were engaged at midnight on New Year’s at Walt Disney World. They were married April 18, seven months and five days from when they were reunited after 27 years. They just celebrated their fifth wedding anniversary. For their anniversary, Anthony surprised Sue with a vacation in Rodanthe, N.C., renting the very house where the movie they saw on their first date was filmed.
The memories of a first date and a special anniversary are not the only things to come from “Nights in Rodanthe”. There is also a quote from the book, words written by Nicholas Sparks that sound to me as if they were meant for Sue and Anthony, especially after the months they spent dating each other while living in different states: “If anything, our time apart has only made me more certain that I want to spend my nights by your side, and my days with your heart.”
If you enjoyed Sue and Anthony’s story, please leave a comment, “like” it and click “follow” this blog. If you would like to share details about how you met your spouse to be included in a future post of this blog, please email me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net. I can include your name or leave it out, just let me know your preference.
“I don’t want a relationship with you. I just want to dance.” Believe it or not, this very unromantic declaration was made by a romance writer when she first met the man she would end up marrying, sixteen months later. Although she was not yet a writer, at least not on paper, she already possessed a powerful love of words and one would have expected something more from her.
A photo I took at Disney’s Wedding Pavilion
Of course, she did get points for being the one to initiate contact. She also thought she was getting what she wanted when the man appeared to agree to her terms. Coming off of a bad breakup, she had been reluctant to even go out that evening, but her friend talked her into it. The two women ended up at a steakhouse that, after dining hours, turned into a dance club.
They stood together, feeling the beat of the music. The friend suggested perhaps they should dance.
“Okay”, said the writer. “How about those two, over there?” she asked, pointing toward two men who were standing alongside the dance floor. Before lowering her finger, she quickly added, “But I want the cute one.”
“Which one is the cute one?” asked her friend.
“The tall one. I want the tall one”, the writer explained.
Then she made her move. Although she thought she and the man saw eye to eye on the issue of their level of engagement, she found herself unable to look at him as they danced. She had to glance away several times, unable to stop the laughter when she saw the man staring back at her with a constant, dopey grin on his face. Months later, he would tell her he was looking at her like that because he knew, in that very second, that she was the woman he was going to marry.
Although she refused to give the man her phone number, she did agree to take his. For two months, the man wondered if he would ever see her again, going so far as to walk around looking for her car in the area of town where she had told him she lived. Eventually, the same friend, who had talked her into going out in the first place, managed to convince her to give the man a call and they all went out dancing again.
Later still, while doing their own version of a foxtrot in front of all the guests at their wedding, the writer looked at her new husband and decided maybe his grin wasn’t so dopey after all. It was then, looking straight into his eyes, that she leaned closer and said, “I don’t want to dance with you. I just want to have a relationship.”
And I still do.
I would love to hear how you met your spouse. Please share your story so I can include it in a future post of this blog. I can include your name or leave it out, just tell me your preference. Email it to nancy.rose9@comcast.net
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet” is often quoted from Shakespeare’s play Romeo and Juliet, but what about a spouse by any other name?
Every evening, when my husband gets home from work, we take a walk together. This evening, while we were strolling through the neighborhood, I saw a tree that appeared to have a heart on it. Actually, it was part of the trunk where a limb had been cut off and the tree had healed very nearly in the shape of a heart. Seeing it reminded me of trees I had seen years ago, trees on which lovers had carved hearts and either the initials or names of their true love.
I was thinking about those names, sculpted into bark, when I digressed even further and started thinking about different names we call our spouses. I am sure that, over the years, my husband and I have sometimes called each other by some names that were not very rosy. At other times, it may have been the tone we used, more than the actual words, that was less than perfect. But since this post is on a blog about romance, I am going to focus on the sweet words at the loving end of the spectrum.
There is definitely power in the verbalization of affection. Who doesn’t like to hear their spouse calling them “Honey”, “Darling” or some other term of endearment? Doesn’t it change the way you feel toward the person who is speaking those words?
For years, my husband referred to me as “Love” and “Nancy Roo”, but my absolute favorite is “Mia Bella”. That name caresses my heart in a way I cannot even begin to describe. Hubby could turn into a five-headed, snaggletoothed beast with pungent body odor and I would still melt into a big puddle of adoration if he simply called me “Mia Bella” (Especially if he said it with an Italian accent).
Presentation does matter. I like a good French or Italian accent. My favorite is when my husband does his variant of the Gorton’s fisherman. He doesn’t sound like the television commercial version, but more like a pirate with a bad Scottish accent. He knows he sounds ridiculous. But more important, he knows that it makes me smile and that is reason enough for him to do it.
Come on. Make your spouse smile. Call him or her by an affectionate name. Even though you may not be able to carve it into a tree, you can carve it into their heart.
Make the rest of us smile too. Please share your favorite pet name (your own or someone else’s) in the comment section of this blog.
Belle of the Ballpoint™ 