A Touching Romance

Steamy or sweet, erotic or inspirational, most romance novels feature the sense of touch in a prominent role.  There is nothing like fingertips lightly grazing a cheek, lips barely touching, or hands tightly entwined, to communicate closeness between two people.  Romance writers often turn to the sense of touch to add details that strengthen the story and the connection between two characters.  This isn’t true only in fiction, as the same can be said about this sense’s effect on couples involved in real-life love stories as well.

Of course, my last statement assumes that both partners have similar comfort levels when it comes to touching, which isn’t always the case.  We all know some people are huggers and others are not.  One person might be comfortable with public displays of affection, while their spouse might be embarrassed at the thought of others witnessing what they consider to be a private moment.  As with any other romantic gesture, one size does not fit all and individual differences must be taken into account if you want your efforts to bring more romance into your relationship.  For example, it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to book a couples massage at a spa if your spouse doesn’t like the idea of being touched by a stranger. Please remember to always keep your spouse’s preferences in mind when considering ways to incorporate the sense of touch into your romantic repertoire.

A simple gesture that goes a long way when it comes to adding romance is hand holding.  My husband and I hold hands everywhere we go, especially on our evening walks around the neighborhood.  I tend to walk much slower than my husband and, without realizing it, whenever we didn’t hold hands, he would easily get ahead of me.  Sometimes it even felt like we were participating in separate activities as I struggled to keep up with him.  There’s just something about us holding on to each other as we walk side-by-side at the same pace that makes me feel more connected to my husband.  This form of touch has spread into other activities, and we often reach for each other’s hands while watching television, across the table in restaurant, and as we sit together in church.

As it turns out, I learned there is a scientific reason for feeling more connected when we hold hands.  I recently read an article about how touch releases hormones into the blood that are responsible for making relationships stronger by making people feel more connected to the person touching them.

Old-fashioned machine I spotted at Disney’s Boardwalk Inn

Hand holding isn’t the only kind of touch that evokes a physiological reaction.  A kiss or a gentle caress opens up the blood vessels under the skin.  Besides all the other benefits of massage, such as increasing circulation, reducing muscle tension, lowering anxiety, and improving sleep, this type of touch also increases affection by causing the release of oxytocin and serotonin, which make people feel more connected.  Plus, massage is an activity that allows you to spend time simply doing something together.  There are many books and DVDs out there that teach various massage techniques you and your spouse can try out on one another in the private comfort of your own home.  Some stimulate the sense of touch even more with the addition of heat, oil, or even an ice cube, slowly melting across the body on a warm day.

Or how about trying a quick activity like running your fingers through your spouse’s hair or closing your eyes and tracing their face with your fingertips?  Not only does this not require any advance planning or special paraphernalia, but it can also enable you and your love to feel a special connection that you don’t have with anyone else, heightening the sense of romance between the two of you.

For more tips on how to add romance to your relationship, please “Follow” this blog and my boards at www.pinterest.com/nancyrose9 .  Remember to “Like”, comment, and share this post.  You may also email me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net

Romantic Scene for the Senses

In last week’s post, I wrote about using romance novels to bring you and your spouse closer together in a fun way.  In keeping with this theme, I thought I’d write a bit about where your love story takes place.  After all, whether you are talking about a novel or real life, every good romance needs a good setting.

What comes to mind when you are asked to think of a romantic location?   A white sand beach with pounding waves?  A midnight meadow under a twinkling, starry sky?  An overstuffed loveseat near a fireplace in a snowbound ski lodge?  A candlelit table for two with crisp, white linen tablecloths?  A grimy bathtub next to a pile of mildew-scented towels and dirty socks?

No, I didn’t throw that last one in there just to see if you were paying attention.  I actually want you to take a moment to imagine how you would feel in that bathroom.  Close your eyes and inhale deeply.  Are you in the mood for a romantic evening?

Setting does matter.  Not only when you are choosing the right spot for an evening out, but also for a romantic evening at home.  This involves making a bit more effort than picking up old newspapers and taking out the trash.  I am talking about setting the stage.  Imagining the stinky bathroom scene above, I realized how powerful the image was to me, mostly because I was thinking about how it would effect my senses of sight and smell.  In fact, all of the romantic settings I described appealed in one way or another to my faculties of perception, which prompted the idea for the following list of ways to set up romantic surroundings that would be attractive to each of the five senses.

Stained glass heart I found in an antique shop

Hearing:  If you’re looking for something a bit different, try searching the internet for romantic sound clips or sound effects.  I recently discovered audioblocks.com. Although it is a subscription-based website, I listened to free samples of music, sound effects, and loops on the site that lasted from 13 seconds to over 6 minutes, so you and your sweetie could have a lot of fun listening to these together.  With a number of genres to choose from, I sampled everything from “Soft Sensuality Music” to “Action Movie Music Score” to “Cocktails and Romance”.  Even more unique were some of the sound effects which went beyond the usual sound of ocean waves to recordings such as “Swamp”, “Nature in the Everglades”, and “Jungle”.  I am sure someone with a bit of imagination could use these sound effects to set the stage for a really fun date.

Another site that I loved was Soundboard.com, which had 18 different tracks of “Romantic Movie Lines” with everything from “Looking at You” (Casablanca), to “True Love” (Dracula), to “Do you love him” (Moonstruck).  I would imagine these recordings could also be incorporated into a romantic evening at home.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with the old standby, romantic music playing softly in the background, especially if that music has some meaning to you and your spouse.  Whether listening to a song you danced to on your first date, something played at your wedding, or anything else that is special to the two of you, just hearing it will appeal to the loving memories associated with the music and evoke romance.

Smell:  A little goes a long way when it comes to the sense of smell.  The last thing you want is to overpower your beloved with the scent of perfume or cologne.  As someone who is allergic to fragrance, I prefer natural alternatives for adding scents to any romantic scene.  Some essential oils with scents that enhance romance include lavender, orange, and jasmine.  Try putting a drop or two on a light bulb while the light is turned off (and cool).  Later, when you turn it on, the heat from the bulb will warm the oil and release the fragrance into the room.  You could also take a nice bath with a few drops of rose oil and some rose petals to evoke a romantic mood.  Scents like vanilla, cinnamon, and pumpkin also stimulate the area of the brain linked with sensuality, so you could bake a treat that was good to smell and taste, triggering two senses at the same time.

Sight:  Think lighting and scenery for setting the stage.  Dimmed lights, candles, paper lanterns, or a twinkling strand of lights strung up around the room can definitely add to the ambience of your stay-at-home date.  Place some fresh flowers around the house.  It doesn’t matter if you pick some wildflowers or grab some blooms from the grocery store, just place them in more than one location.  A bunch of flowers on the table, a small vase with a single bud in the bathroom, a loose bouquet on the nightstand, can help make your home feel more romantic.  There are plenty of ideas online for arranging and decorating with flowers to get the look you would like to achieve. You can also find photos of how to set a romantic table, how to create a nice space for the two of you on the floor with a blanket and cozy pillows, and just about any other type of setting.  This is the time to break out those fancy glasses, serving dish, or good linens you have been saving for a special occasion or borrow something from someone you know.

There are a few things that need to be kept out of sight because they really detract from a romantic environment, namely phones and children.  Put the phone down and send the children over to the neighbor’s house, so you can have the kind of surroundings which make for a good fairy-tale romance.

For ideas on incorporating touch and taste into your personal romance story, please read next week’s post.  Make sure you don’t miss future posts by scrolling on this page until you find the “Follow” button.  Simply enter your email address, click “Follow”, and respond to the confirmation email so that I will know you are a real person.  You will receive one free email each week with a new post.  As always, I greatly appreciate all “likes”, comments, and shares either on my Belle of the Ballpoint blog site or my Facebook page at www.facebook.com/belleoftheballpoint. You may also find more tips and romantic ideas at www.pinterest.com/nancyrose9.  Thanks!

A Good Love Story

Surely, everyone loves a good love story, right?  It certainly seems as if this would be true, especially since tales of love between two people and happy endings have turned romance books into a billion-dollar-a-year industry.  From sweet to steamy, Christian to paranormal, and everything in between, there are all kinds of stories that fall into the category of romance.  And, according to Romance Writers of America, there are all kinds of readers as well, with 84% of them women and 16% men, and all ages represented, although the majority are aged between 30 and 54.

Gift from early in our marriage

Despite the popularity of this genre, there are some critics out there who seem to think romance is a bad thing.  The detractors are not making reference to books that go against their belief system or are offensive in some way.  Instead, they are pronouncing all romance novels as being bad for marriages because they set up unrealistic expectations about how marriage is supposed to be.

I think this is as ridiculous as saying all good restaurants are bad because they set up unrealistic expectations about how food is supposed to be.  And, just as a fantastic meal together adds benefits both people can enjoy, such as having something different than the same old boring dinner, enjoying the treat of being waited on and made to feel special, and adding some fun to spice up everyday life; romance novels offer many of the same rewards, especially if they are used as a source of ideas for making your marriage more enjoyable and bringing you and your spouse closer together.

An even more creative way to use a romance novel to improve your own relationship is to acquire one that actually stars you and your spouse!  Did you know there are several companies that specialize in producing personalized romance novels?  You provide information such as you and your spouse’s names, details such as how you met, what kind of car you drive, nicknames, hair color, favorite foods, and other facts, and they put it into a romance novel.

My husband actually surprised me with a few of these personalized romance novels over the course of several gift-giving occasions. (Well, it wasn’t actually that much of a surprise since I hinted that I wanted these.)  Each one is set in a different exotic location and range from mild to a little bit steamy, although there are several companies out there that specialize in explicit books, so you need to check the heat level if you don’t want something too erotic.

One of my favorites was set on a South African game reserve.  Not only did we go on safari in the story, but we had to deal with a killer on the loose!  Greg was my hero and he vowed to protect me, whatever it took.  The story was fun, although it was a bit ridiculous at times.  The book was made even more entertaining by the fact that we took turns reading it aloud to one another and laughing at our adventures and at how the book had us making love every couple of pages!

If you want to find a personalized romance novel, just try doing an internet search for “romance novel starring you” or “personalized romance novels” and lots of different companies will appear.  Some are more well-written than others, but even a poorly written novel can provide a fun activity for you and your spouse if you read it together.  It’s funny how much I got into the storyline and actually started feeling as if Greg and I were teaming up together against the bad guy in the book.  And, of course, I had to give him a kiss because he was my hero!

If you are a bit creative or are looking for a more economical alternative, you can always write your own romance.  It doesn’t have to be an entire book.  Even a short story about you and your spouse on a romantic adventure, read together, can add a bit of fairy-tale romance to your real world marriage.

Give it a try and let me know how your story turns out.  For more ideas, remember to hit the “Follow” button on this blog and respond to the confirmation email.  You’ll receive one free email per week with more romantic tips and stories.  Also, please check out my earlier posts, “Like” my Facebook page at www.facebook.com/belleoftheballpoint and follow me at www.pinterest.com/nancyrose9

Bring the Romance Home

Two weeks ago, my husband and I headed off for a romantic Valentine’s weekend at Walt Disney World.  Our getaway was everything we hoped it would be, with most of the details planned out in advance.  Since Valentine’s Day fell right in the middle of the long Presidents’ Day weekend, it was a very busy time at the resort.  Throughout the weekend, as we checked in at the various restaurants where we had made dining arrangements, I noticed time and time again that other guests were turned away because the restaurants were filled and they had failed to make reservations.  Seeing the disappointment on their faces and imagining how let down they felt when they couldn’t enjoy the meals they wanted, made me glad we had made the effort to plan out our time together before it even started.

I believe our attention to advance planning contributed greatly to the success of our little trip and it was everything I hoped it would be, with a few unexpected surprises as well.  Even though I am a planner, I believe spontaneity is just as important to the success of romance.  The secret to a great romantic getaway, or even just an evening together, lies in finding a good balance of deliberate planning with a bit of surprise thrown in to add some spice.

One of the surprises my husband came up with during our weekend was a gift basket assembled and delivered to our hotel room by Disney Floral and Gifts.  It contained all of the ingredients for a romantic evening, including chocolate truffles, champagne, two champagne glasses, brie, camembert, assorted crackers, and some LED candles to softly light the room.

Romantic gift basket from my husband

Did we enjoy the contents of the basket?  I don’t know.  At least, I don’t know yet, although I’m sure we will.  That’s the best part of this story.  Although my husband wanted to give me the gift basket for Valentine’s Day, he knew we already had plans for dinner and a special, extravagant dessert and probably would not want to come back to the room and immediately have wine, cheese, and chocolates.  However, he didn’t let that stop him from giving me the surprise and then explaining how he thought we could take the basket home with us so that we could enjoy it on another weekend!

I loved the idea because it was a way to stretch the romance, extending it from Valentine’s Day to another time which, otherwise, would have just been an ordinary evening.  That is the challenge I offer you this week.  Try to do a bit of planning and come up with a surprise for your spouse that will bring more romance into your everyday life together.  It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate or expensive, just something you and your spouse can enjoy and that adds a bit of fairy-tale romance to your real world marriage.

For more ideas, check out earlier posts on this blog or visit my boards at www.pinterest.com/nancyrose9 and please remember to “Follow” to receive your free weekly email with more romantic tips and stories.  You may “like”, share, and comment at this site and at www.facebook.com/belleoftheballpoint .

And the Winner is… Romance

Whether it is through romantic thrillers, obstacle-filled dramatic love stories, or light-hearted romantic comedies, movies have often played a starring role in romance as a reliable date night idea.  Even though seeing a movie is common, that doesn’t mean it has to be boring.

As I contemplate how I would like to spend the weekend stretching before me, I remembered that the best films of the past year will be honored at the 87^th Academy Awards ceremony this Sunday.  This inspired me to come up with a way to incorporate the Oscars into my plans, as well as to make a few suggestions for date ideas for my readers who live in other parts of the world. (Since my husband also happens to be one of those readers, there goes any chance I had of surprising him!)

As many of you know, many of my weekends involve Walt Disney World in some way and this one is no exception.  I figured what better place to start an Academy Award-themed weekend than at Disney’s Hollywood Studios?  It just so happens there are a few special attractions there right now, including a photo opportunity with the gorgeous gold leaf carriage used in the new, live-action movie, Cinderella, which opens in three weeks.  Besides being something beautiful and fun to see, I thought the carriage would fit my theme because it is from a movie directed by an Academy Award-nominee, which also features an Oscar-winner as the wicked stepmother, and another Academy Award-nominee as the Fairy Godmother.  In addition to the carriage, Hollywood Studios is showing an extended sneak peak of Cinderella, which I think will be fun.

Next, my husband and I are going to head over to the Disney Animation building, where we are going to experience “My Oscar Moment”.  Once there, we will get to walk the red carpet and pose with an authentic Oscar statuette.  This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to have our photos taken with an actual Oscar and I think my husband and I will both get a kick out of it!

After posing with our Oscars, I’m sure we’ll be hungry, so I made a lunch reservation at The Hollywood Brown Derby.  This is one of my absolute best-loved restaurants.  The décor reflects the glamour of the Golden Age of Hollywood with walls covered with caricatures of all of the old movie stars.  After eating, we will probably go on The Great Movie Ride, which is one of my husband’s favorites.  It uses Audio-Animatronics, special effects, and projections to showcase classic films inside a building that was modeled after Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood.

Candy Conversation Hearts

Since that is probably enough for one day and we do have other things we need to get done, I’m going to ask my husband if he wants to wait until Sunday afternoon to go to the movie theater to watch one of the Best Picture nominees.  As I was checking the listings, I noticed that our local theater is showing the collection of the 2015 Oscar nominated Animation Shorts and a separate showing of the nominated Live Action Shorts, in addition to the individual nominated full-length films.  No matter where you live, it’s probably a safe bet that the nominated movies are being shown this weekend at a theater nearby.  Make sure you remember to hold hands and steal a kiss while you’re at it.

If you’d like to go above and beyond seeing a movie, perhaps you could plan an evening with an Academy Award winning theme.  You could dress up for a glamorous night at the Oscars complete with a dinner you make at home that matches the theme.  Believe it or not, there are all kinds of Oscar-themed recipes on the internet.  Some of the dishes go along with the nominated movie titles in amusing ways, such as Grand Budapesto Pasta, “Whiplash” Jazzy Chicken Drumsticks, and “The Imitation Game” Imitation Crab and Cucumber Salad.

If you prefer a more casual approach, you can watch the Academy Awards together and serve movie theater refreshments with a twist.  On foodnetwork.com you can find 50 different flavored popcorn recipes that will help you make your snacks something special.  Serve nachos, malted milk balls, or any of your sweetheart’s favorite movie theater foods, snuggle up under a big blanket, and share your predictions with each other about which films you think deserve to win.

If watching awards shows aren’t your thing, try playing a movie trivia game together.  In addition to numerous board games, there are also plenty of free games available on the internet.  Perhaps the winner gets a kiss.  That way, nobody loses.

If you enjoy watching movies, but don’t like to go to the theater or don’t like any of this year’s top films, consider watching classic movies that have won Academy Awards in the past.  Have an at home movie marathon of past Oscar winners that you can purchase on DVD or even check out for free from your local library.

Whatever you and your leading lady or leading man decide to do, make sure to roll out the red carpet to having fun with each other and share your stories with me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net

Please share your thoughts and “like” my posts here and at www.facebook.com/belleoftheballpoint .  Also check out my boards at www.pinterest.com/nancyrose9 .

Valentine’s Day Memories

Today, as I look forward to the plans my husband and I have made for this coming Valentine’s weekend, I also find myself looking back, recalling various Valentine’s Days from my past.  From those first pink and red heart-covered shoeboxes filled with little valentines from my elementary school classmates, to the preschool performance of my own son at age three, dressed in a tiny black tux with a red satin bow tie and cummerbund as he pointed directly at me while singing the words, “Valentine, valentine, I love you!”; from the year I was four months pregnant and had pneumonia with a two-year-old who also had pneumonia, to the year I received a phone call that my brother had taken his own life; and from the time I published an article promoting unique local Valentine gifts in my weekly newspaper column, to the time I went with my teenage daughter to a Valentine’s Day performance of the Vagina Monologues, a play which raises money to end violence against women and girls around the world; to say I have experienced many different types of Valentine’s Days is certainly an understatement.

Of course, many of my Valentine’s Day memories are of a more romantic nature.  Some have been hits.  Some have been misses.  Just like everything else in life.  There have been gifts, and poems, and special dinners, but as I sit here reminiscing, there is one Valentine’s Day that stands out for me as being the most romantic.

Vintage valentine I found on a recent outing to an antique store

The surprises of the day began early, as I opened my car door to head off to work.  My husband had covered every surface of the interior of my car with valentines.  Assorted cards that come in a boxed set, the kind that kids exchange at school, were taped to my seats, sun visor, windshield, even the steering wheel.  After admiring them for a few minutes, I carefully removed the cards and placed them in the passenger seat.  That was when I noticed a piece of paper that had a large number “1” printed on it.  Not completely sure what it meant, I put the piece of paper with the cards and drove to work.

The first half of my workday was uneventful, and I was glad when lunchtime arrived.  I joined my co-workers in the conference room where we ate together every day.  After I finished my sandwich, I returned to my office to get started on the pile of paperwork I knew was waiting for me.  I was completely surprised when I opened the door and discovered my office had been completely transformed.  Rose petals were strewn across my desk and chair, there was a large heart-shaped balloon, and, again, there were valentine cards everywhere, including all over the ceiling!  How my husband managed to get them way up there was a mystery, as was his ability to get into my office, especially since the doors to enter the building were always kept locked during our lunch period.  A few minutes later, the office manager appeared in my doorway and told me how he helped my husband sneak in while I was eating.  Everyone in the office had heard about what happened and came to get a peek.  Once the excitement died down, I opened the gigantic card that was propped up on a chair to see the number “2” written inside.  This was starting to get fun and it made me wonder if there would be any more surprises.

I worked for the remainder of the afternoon and had an uneventful dinner with my husband and children.  After the kids were in bed, I went out on my back deck for a few minutes.  When I turned to open the door, I could see there was a trail of rose petals on the carpet inside the house.  I was amazed at how stealthy my husband had become, wondering how I didn’t see him or hear him even though I was just on the other side of the glass door.  I looked for him, once I was inside the house, but couldn’t find him.  I followed the rose petal trail from the family room addition, through the kitchen, down the hallway, and into the bedroom where my husband stood. The petals continued up onto the bed where they ended with a bouquet of one dozen red roses, chocolates, a very poetic and romantic card and a piece of paper with a large number “3” printed on it, along with the words “Third time’s a charm”.  And, yes, indeed it was.

Hope you find lots of fairy-tale romance in your real world marriage.  Happy Valentine’s Day!

Please share your thoughts and “like” my posts here and at www.facebook.com/belleoftheballpoint . For great Valentine’s Day ideas, check out my boards at www.pinterest.com/nancyrose9 . You may also reach me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net

Romance Now, Romance Later

Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching.  From grocery stores and restaurants, to windows I pass on my evening walks through my neighborhood, there seem to be hearts everywhere I look.  For those of you who follow my blog, you know that I include a photo of a heart in each week’s post.  You would think this would be the perfect opportunity for me to snap enough pictures to last throughout the year. While it is true there are many hearts out there, I don’t want fifty-two photos of various sized heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and cutout paper heart decorations.  I want something different.

Last week, as I stood waiting at the post office, I found just the thing: mailers.  Large red envelopes decorated with white hearts, offered for sale on a rack of shipping supplies.  After I retrieved my phone from my purse and snapped a quick photo, I thought about how perfect these envelopes would be, not just for Valentine’s Day, but for presenting tokens of love throughout the year.  They would work quite well on anniversaries or any time someone wanted to give something romantic to their spouse in a heart-covered envelope.  The best part was they were not limited to use on one day of the year, since there was no mention of “Valentine’s Day” on the envelopes.

Heart-covered envelope I found at the post office

Similarly, love and romance should not be restricted to February 14^th.  Instead of viewing Valentine’s Day as the sole time during which one is obligated to give their spouse roses, chocolates, a card, or a dinner, I would like to suggest it is the perfect time to stock up on all kinds of romantic items for use throughout the year.

Take the party store, for example.  At this time of year, you can find all kinds of great stuff to use in planning romantic days and nights.  There are paper plates and drink ware covered with hearts for future romantic picnics and dinners.  Heart-shaped balloons and garlands and decorations that say “Be Mine” and “I Love You” can be purchased now and stored away for a surprise date at home with your spouse in the middle of summer. Red heart gift boxes, cookie cutters, cake pans, baking molds, and love-inspired baking cups to make special cupcakes for your special someone.  Or go online and look for bright red paper honeycomb centerpieces with hearts and cupids for a romantic table any time of year.

This is also a great time to look for heart-shaped lockets, bowls, paperweights, pillows, and a number of other gifts that you can save for your anniversary or any time you’d like to add some romance.  Of course, affectionate greeting cards are another item that can be found in abundance this month.  Why not stock up?  In this case, you don’t have to completely steer away from cards that have the words “Valentine’s Day” printed on them.  You can always grab a pen and add a few words of your own, changing the card so that it says something like “Every day with you is like Valentine’s Day”.

Even if you live in an area where there are few stores with Valentine items, you can still find all of these things on the internet.  Putting in a bit of effort now, will enable you to add a touch of Valentine’s Day throughout the year and to keep the fairy-tale romance in your real world marriage.

Please share your thoughts and “like” my posts here and at www.facebook.com/belleoftheballpoint . For more romantic tips and ideas, check out my boards at www.pinterest.com/nancyrose9 .  You may also reach me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net .

Return to a Place of Romance

There is such a sense of sadness that goes along with the end of romance.  This is true, not only in regard to the demise of a relationship, but also with the loss of the idea of love as it was once found in an image, a moment in time, or even entwined in the memory of a particular place. This week, I am grieving the death of romance as it existed in a setting and an era that have passed.

I am sure some of my readers are familiar with the Pocono Mountains of northeastern Pennsylvania.  Some of you may also remember two well known honeymoon destinations located there, Penn Hills Resort and the Mount Airy Lodge.

Penn Hills Resort, which started out in the 1940’s and expanded in the 60’s with the addition of a golf course and ski resort, was known for romance and passion.  Many of us recall the resort’s advertisements and jingle, “For lovers only.  If you’re in love, you’ll love Penn Hills!” Romantic dining, dancing, private heart-shaped Jacuzzi bathtubs, and an outdoor swimming pool in the shape of a wedding bell helped set the stage for many romantic getaways.

Photo I took in 1986 of the heart-shaped tub in my suite at Mount Airy Lodge in the Poconos.

Mount Airy Lodge was even better.  For more than fifty years, couples flocked to this resort, which not only had its own bright red heart-shaped tubs, but, in their Palace suites (where I stayed in 1986), there were private swimming pools and fireplaces in the room!  During its heyday, Mount Airy’s Crystal Room, a 2,000 seat showplace, hosted entertainers like Milton Berle and Bob Hope.  Over the years, guests enjoyed skiing, ice-skating, horseback riding, hiking, archery, golf, and lots of other activities in addition to the passion stoked by roaring fires and plush, round beds.

My stay at Mount Airy Lodge was a surprise birthday trip/ romantic weekend that I arranged for my husband.  The mountains were beautiful with their autumn foliage, the food and champagne and dancing were good, and the getaway was very romantic.  In fact, I had such a wonderful time; I fully intended to go back there for a longer vacation.

Unfortunately, that day never came and now, sadly, it never will.  I assumed the Mount Airy Lodge, which had been around for more than a half-century, would continue to attract couples looking for romance.  But, as time went on, people started going other places, the headliners left for Atlantic City, the huge mortgage became overwhelming, and the place became run-down.  In an article I just happened to accidentally run across only a few days ago, I read how the owner took his own life the day before the foreclosure hearing, and the Mount Airy Lodge shut its doors for good in 2001.  Penn Hills had a similar fate, several years later, also falling into disrepair.  I saw horrible photos of it, stripped and crumbling, with plants and mold growing all over various parts of the old resort.  It really broke my heart.

I’m not sure why it took me so long to discover the fate of these former destinations of love and romance.  I guess I was just busy with other things.  I wish it hadn’t happened.  I wish I could go back.  Why do we take so many things for granted?

It’s just like all of the sights I meant to see whenever I lived in various places throughout the country.  I would learn of an attraction, a museum, or some natural wonder nearby and think to myself, “I’ll have to go there one of these days”.  And, although I did make it to some of those places, there were others I missed because I figured I lived there and had plenty of time to get to them.

How about you? Are there places you have been meaning to visit?  Why not make plans with your spouse to go.  Even better, are there any places that represent romance to you?  How about where you met your spouse, the site of your first date, the place you were when your spouse first kissed you.  Maybe the two of you went on a special weekend away from home?  Or the site where you or your spouse proposed?

Take a moment to think about the settings where your romantic memories came to life.  Consider visiting one or more of those locations with your spouse as soon as possible.  If they are far away and it is not possible to travel to your special spots, at least plan to relive the memories with each other by looking at photos of the places or at least reminiscing together about what those places mean to you.  Relive the romance and the love of your shared past, using those feelings to bring you and your spouse closer together in the present.  If you do, you will be taking one more step toward putting some fairy-tale romance back into your real world marriage.

Please leave a comment about the place you would most like to return to with your spouse.

Also remember to scroll down until you find the “Follow” button, enter your email, and reply to the confirmation email, so that you can receive one new post each week via email from Belle of the Ballpoint.  It’s free and offers tips on ways you can find more romance in your relationship.  Also please “like” my posts on www.facebook.com/belleoftheballpoint and check out my boards on www.pinterest.com/nancyrose9  You may also reach me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net

Date Ideas to Warm Your Heart

Staring out the window at trees wearing only half of their leaves, while sipping hot Darjeeling tea, I am almost fooled into believing it is cold outside.  While it is January and my friends further north have been dealing with freezing temperatures for a few weeks, it is a comfy 79 degrees where I live.  Although it is expected to get cooler on the weekend, it will still be a far cry from feeling like winter.  And yet, I yearn to do something different for fun, something that I wouldn’t do in the middle of summer.

Heart carved from ice I found at the attraction: ICE! featuring the Nutcracker at the Gaylord Palms Orlando

Whether you are someplace cold or in a tropical climate, your romantic life can grow stale, if you don’t try something new once in a while.  The following winter date ideas offer some suggestions of things you can do with your spouse during the colder months.  Although a few of these require snow, many of these suggestions can be carried out regardless of the climate in which you reside.

1. Enjoy a coffee tasting. Go on a search for the perfect cup, either by going to different coffee shops and sampling the different types or buying several flavors and brewing them at home. The same thing works just as well with tea. A few years ago, my husband and I signed up for a tea seminar and tasting. Not only did we learn about all of the different kinds of tea, we had fun finding out which ones we both liked and joking about the ones that were awful!
2. Take a drive to the nearest city and search out a little culture by going to a concert, museum, play, or art gallery.
3. Go ice skating, sledding, have a snowball fight, build a snowman, or make snow angels followed by hot chocolate.
4. Rent movies with a winter theme like, Trans-Siberian, North Face, Grumpy Old Men, Fargo, Into the White, Whiteout, Love Actually, Frozen, or Doctor Zhivago, and snuggle up under a blanket with your spouse.
5. Go to a comedy club.
6. Warm up in some hot springs or a hot tub.
7. Go to a hockey game.
8. Head to a ski resort for the afternoon and take snowboarding lessons or go snowshoeing.
9. Go antiquing or visit thrift stores or used bookstores in search of special treasures.
10. Take a cooking class together. If none are offered in your area, there are several really good courses available on DVD that you can order online. Just pop in the DVD, have some fun preparing the food with each other, light some candles, and enjoy the fruits of your labor.

This week, give one of these ideas a try or come up with your own favorite winter date.  I’d love to hear how it goes.  Please leave a comment or email me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net

Sewing Your Heart on Your Sleeve

This past Saturday, at the monthly meeting of Central Florida Romance Writers, I had the pleasure of attending a presentation by a creativity coach.  One of the topics I found most interesting was when she talked about overcoming our inner critic in order to reach our creative potential.  What is an “inner critic”?  It is that little voice inside one’s head that says things like, “You’re not good enough” or “You will fail” and other expressions of criticism, disapproval, or fear.

Although the speaker was addressing a roomful of writers, you don’t have to be an author to be familiar with the inner critic.  All of us have had negative thoughts and doubts about ourselves and our abilities.  Some of us have them quite often and about all kinds of things.  Although I am very familiar with the inner critic, especially as it relates to my talent as a novelist, I had never stopped to consider its impact on romance, especially on romance within marriage.

Heart-shaped pin cushion I spotted at the fabric store.

Remember when you were young or when you were first dating.  Most likely there were times of nervousness and self-doubt.  The inner critic may have kept you from asking someone out on a date, making you believe he or she wouldn’t possibly want to go out with someone like you.  Maybe your fears left you tongue-tied or even speechless, as the little voice in your head convinced you that you had nothing worthwhile to say.  Perhaps you did blurt something out and then immediately heard that inner voice telling you how stupid you sounded and you wished, more than anything, you could take back your words.

Although most of us can relate to the examples above, we may not see any connection to romance in our marriage.  Surely we’re not like a nervous teenager when we are around someone with whom we share the toothpaste, the bills, and maybe even a kid or two.  And, while it is true we have grown more used to the person on the other side of the bed, the inner critic still tries to slip between us.

I will attempt to give a few examples of exactly what I mean.  Has your spouse ever complimented you, but your inner critic jumped in there to intercept it instead of allowing you and your spouse to be drawn closer by it?  You know, hubby walks in and says something like “You look pretty today” and, thanks to the inner critic, you respond with “My hair is a mess”.

Have you ever thought of something nice you wanted to say to your spouse, but someone else was around and that annoying little voice in your head told you the other person would think you were weird so you didn’t say it?  Or what about wanting to suggest a romantic outing or activity, but somehow that negative self-talk butts in and convinces you that your spouse probably wouldn’t want to do that anyway, so you go do something with your friends instead?

Even if you are a positive person who has completely silenced the negative inner critic, your spouse may be experiencing thoughts that keep him or her from being as romantic as they can be.  The lack of romance in your relationship could be as simple as them believing “my spouse probably won’t like this anyway, so why even bother”.

Everyone does not just naturally and easily display their feelings.  Some need a bit more encouragement than others and, instead of wearing their heart on their sleeve, they may have to make a more deliberate effort, which is the reason I entitled this post “Sewing Your Heart on Your Sleeve”.  Some need to do the work of stitching together little romantic gestures, and they also need to get past the fear of being pricked by the needle of rejection and self-criticism.

Help your spouse get past their inner critic by letting them know you appreciate their romantic gestures and words.  Even if their efforts fall short of what you are looking for, the encouragement may be just what they need to get better.

Also, don’t forget to deal with your own inner critic.  The best way to accomplish this task is to simply tune out the negative talk inside your head and go ahead and say the romantic words, plan the romantic outing, and show love to your spouse anyway.  In last week’s post, I encouraged my readers to find ways to turn their romantic intentions into behaviors, one action per week.  With this goal in mind, I’m going to ask you to do something.  Not next week, or tomorrow, or even later today, but right this very moment, I ask that you think of something you love about your spouse.  Don’t settle on the obvious, but think for a moment about something that you love about them, but that you have never told them you like.  Got it?  Okay, now tell them.  If they are with you, say it.  If they aren’t, then send a text message or an email or leave them a voicemail.  Tell them even if your inner critic is telling you this is silly.  Tell them even if you think they already know.  Tune out all of that self-talk and tell them RIGHT NOW.

And, yes, I just did this myself.  I’d never ask my readers to do anything I’m not willing to do as well.  Hopefully, together we will all add more fairy-tale romance to our real world marriages throughout the coming year.  Please remember to invite your friends to follow this blog.  As always, comments, “likes”, and sharing are greatly appreciated.  Visit my Belle of the Ballpoint Facebook page or email me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net.