And the Winner is… Romance

Whether it is through romantic thrillers, obstacle-filled dramatic love stories, or light-hearted romantic comedies, movies have often played a starring role in romance as a reliable date night idea.  Even though seeing a movie is common, that doesn’t mean it has to be boring.

As I contemplate how I would like to spend the weekend stretching before me, I remembered that the best films of the past year will be honored at the 87^th Academy Awards ceremony this Sunday.  This inspired me to come up with a way to incorporate the Oscars into my plans, as well as to make a few suggestions for date ideas for my readers who live in other parts of the world. (Since my husband also happens to be one of those readers, there goes any chance I had of surprising him!)

As many of you know, many of my weekends involve Walt Disney World in some way and this one is no exception.  I figured what better place to start an Academy Award-themed weekend than at Disney’s Hollywood Studios?  It just so happens there are a few special attractions there right now, including a photo opportunity with the gorgeous gold leaf carriage used in the new, live-action movie, Cinderella, which opens in three weeks.  Besides being something beautiful and fun to see, I thought the carriage would fit my theme because it is from a movie directed by an Academy Award-nominee, which also features an Oscar-winner as the wicked stepmother, and another Academy Award-nominee as the Fairy Godmother.  In addition to the carriage, Hollywood Studios is showing an extended sneak peak of Cinderella, which I think will be fun.

Next, my husband and I are going to head over to the Disney Animation building, where we are going to experience “My Oscar Moment”.  Once there, we will get to walk the red carpet and pose with an authentic Oscar statuette.  This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to have our photos taken with an actual Oscar and I think my husband and I will both get a kick out of it!

After posing with our Oscars, I’m sure we’ll be hungry, so I made a lunch reservation at The Hollywood Brown Derby.  This is one of my absolute best-loved restaurants.  The décor reflects the glamour of the Golden Age of Hollywood with walls covered with caricatures of all of the old movie stars.  After eating, we will probably go on The Great Movie Ride, which is one of my husband’s favorites.  It uses Audio-Animatronics, special effects, and projections to showcase classic films inside a building that was modeled after Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood.

Candy Conversation Hearts

Since that is probably enough for one day and we do have other things we need to get done, I’m going to ask my husband if he wants to wait until Sunday afternoon to go to the movie theater to watch one of the Best Picture nominees.  As I was checking the listings, I noticed that our local theater is showing the collection of the 2015 Oscar nominated Animation Shorts and a separate showing of the nominated Live Action Shorts, in addition to the individual nominated full-length films.  No matter where you live, it’s probably a safe bet that the nominated movies are being shown this weekend at a theater nearby.  Make sure you remember to hold hands and steal a kiss while you’re at it.

If you’d like to go above and beyond seeing a movie, perhaps you could plan an evening with an Academy Award winning theme.  You could dress up for a glamorous night at the Oscars complete with a dinner you make at home that matches the theme.  Believe it or not, there are all kinds of Oscar-themed recipes on the internet.  Some of the dishes go along with the nominated movie titles in amusing ways, such as Grand Budapesto Pasta, “Whiplash” Jazzy Chicken Drumsticks, and “The Imitation Game” Imitation Crab and Cucumber Salad.

If you prefer a more casual approach, you can watch the Academy Awards together and serve movie theater refreshments with a twist.  On foodnetwork.com you can find 50 different flavored popcorn recipes that will help you make your snacks something special.  Serve nachos, malted milk balls, or any of your sweetheart’s favorite movie theater foods, snuggle up under a big blanket, and share your predictions with each other about which films you think deserve to win.

If watching awards shows aren’t your thing, try playing a movie trivia game together.  In addition to numerous board games, there are also plenty of free games available on the internet.  Perhaps the winner gets a kiss.  That way, nobody loses.

If you enjoy watching movies, but don’t like to go to the theater or don’t like any of this year’s top films, consider watching classic movies that have won Academy Awards in the past.  Have an at home movie marathon of past Oscar winners that you can purchase on DVD or even check out for free from your local library.

Whatever you and your leading lady or leading man decide to do, make sure to roll out the red carpet to having fun with each other and share your stories with me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net

Please share your thoughts and “like” my posts here and at www.facebook.com/belleoftheballpoint .  Also check out my boards at www.pinterest.com/nancyrose9 .

Romance Now, Romance Later

Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching.  From grocery stores and restaurants, to windows I pass on my evening walks through my neighborhood, there seem to be hearts everywhere I look.  For those of you who follow my blog, you know that I include a photo of a heart in each week’s post.  You would think this would be the perfect opportunity for me to snap enough pictures to last throughout the year. While it is true there are many hearts out there, I don’t want fifty-two photos of various sized heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and cutout paper heart decorations.  I want something different.

Last week, as I stood waiting at the post office, I found just the thing: mailers.  Large red envelopes decorated with white hearts, offered for sale on a rack of shipping supplies.  After I retrieved my phone from my purse and snapped a quick photo, I thought about how perfect these envelopes would be, not just for Valentine’s Day, but for presenting tokens of love throughout the year.  They would work quite well on anniversaries or any time someone wanted to give something romantic to their spouse in a heart-covered envelope.  The best part was they were not limited to use on one day of the year, since there was no mention of “Valentine’s Day” on the envelopes.

Heart-covered envelope I found at the post office

Similarly, love and romance should not be restricted to February 14^th.  Instead of viewing Valentine’s Day as the sole time during which one is obligated to give their spouse roses, chocolates, a card, or a dinner, I would like to suggest it is the perfect time to stock up on all kinds of romantic items for use throughout the year.

Take the party store, for example.  At this time of year, you can find all kinds of great stuff to use in planning romantic days and nights.  There are paper plates and drink ware covered with hearts for future romantic picnics and dinners.  Heart-shaped balloons and garlands and decorations that say “Be Mine” and “I Love You” can be purchased now and stored away for a surprise date at home with your spouse in the middle of summer. Red heart gift boxes, cookie cutters, cake pans, baking molds, and love-inspired baking cups to make special cupcakes for your special someone.  Or go online and look for bright red paper honeycomb centerpieces with hearts and cupids for a romantic table any time of year.

This is also a great time to look for heart-shaped lockets, bowls, paperweights, pillows, and a number of other gifts that you can save for your anniversary or any time you’d like to add some romance.  Of course, affectionate greeting cards are another item that can be found in abundance this month.  Why not stock up?  In this case, you don’t have to completely steer away from cards that have the words “Valentine’s Day” printed on them.  You can always grab a pen and add a few words of your own, changing the card so that it says something like “Every day with you is like Valentine’s Day”.

Even if you live in an area where there are few stores with Valentine items, you can still find all of these things on the internet.  Putting in a bit of effort now, will enable you to add a touch of Valentine’s Day throughout the year and to keep the fairy-tale romance in your real world marriage.

Please share your thoughts and “like” my posts here and at www.facebook.com/belleoftheballpoint . For more romantic tips and ideas, check out my boards at www.pinterest.com/nancyrose9 .  You may also reach me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net .

Return to a Place of Romance

There is such a sense of sadness that goes along with the end of romance.  This is true, not only in regard to the demise of a relationship, but also with the loss of the idea of love as it was once found in an image, a moment in time, or even entwined in the memory of a particular place. This week, I am grieving the death of romance as it existed in a setting and an era that have passed.

I am sure some of my readers are familiar with the Pocono Mountains of northeastern Pennsylvania.  Some of you may also remember two well known honeymoon destinations located there, Penn Hills Resort and the Mount Airy Lodge.

Penn Hills Resort, which started out in the 1940’s and expanded in the 60’s with the addition of a golf course and ski resort, was known for romance and passion.  Many of us recall the resort’s advertisements and jingle, “For lovers only.  If you’re in love, you’ll love Penn Hills!” Romantic dining, dancing, private heart-shaped Jacuzzi bathtubs, and an outdoor swimming pool in the shape of a wedding bell helped set the stage for many romantic getaways.

Photo I took in 1986 of the heart-shaped tub in my suite at Mount Airy Lodge in the Poconos.

Mount Airy Lodge was even better.  For more than fifty years, couples flocked to this resort, which not only had its own bright red heart-shaped tubs, but, in their Palace suites (where I stayed in 1986), there were private swimming pools and fireplaces in the room!  During its heyday, Mount Airy’s Crystal Room, a 2,000 seat showplace, hosted entertainers like Milton Berle and Bob Hope.  Over the years, guests enjoyed skiing, ice-skating, horseback riding, hiking, archery, golf, and lots of other activities in addition to the passion stoked by roaring fires and plush, round beds.

My stay at Mount Airy Lodge was a surprise birthday trip/ romantic weekend that I arranged for my husband.  The mountains were beautiful with their autumn foliage, the food and champagne and dancing were good, and the getaway was very romantic.  In fact, I had such a wonderful time; I fully intended to go back there for a longer vacation.

Unfortunately, that day never came and now, sadly, it never will.  I assumed the Mount Airy Lodge, which had been around for more than a half-century, would continue to attract couples looking for romance.  But, as time went on, people started going other places, the headliners left for Atlantic City, the huge mortgage became overwhelming, and the place became run-down.  In an article I just happened to accidentally run across only a few days ago, I read how the owner took his own life the day before the foreclosure hearing, and the Mount Airy Lodge shut its doors for good in 2001.  Penn Hills had a similar fate, several years later, also falling into disrepair.  I saw horrible photos of it, stripped and crumbling, with plants and mold growing all over various parts of the old resort.  It really broke my heart.

I’m not sure why it took me so long to discover the fate of these former destinations of love and romance.  I guess I was just busy with other things.  I wish it hadn’t happened.  I wish I could go back.  Why do we take so many things for granted?

It’s just like all of the sights I meant to see whenever I lived in various places throughout the country.  I would learn of an attraction, a museum, or some natural wonder nearby and think to myself, “I’ll have to go there one of these days”.  And, although I did make it to some of those places, there were others I missed because I figured I lived there and had plenty of time to get to them.

How about you? Are there places you have been meaning to visit?  Why not make plans with your spouse to go.  Even better, are there any places that represent romance to you?  How about where you met your spouse, the site of your first date, the place you were when your spouse first kissed you.  Maybe the two of you went on a special weekend away from home?  Or the site where you or your spouse proposed?

Take a moment to think about the settings where your romantic memories came to life.  Consider visiting one or more of those locations with your spouse as soon as possible.  If they are far away and it is not possible to travel to your special spots, at least plan to relive the memories with each other by looking at photos of the places or at least reminiscing together about what those places mean to you.  Relive the romance and the love of your shared past, using those feelings to bring you and your spouse closer together in the present.  If you do, you will be taking one more step toward putting some fairy-tale romance back into your real world marriage.

Please leave a comment about the place you would most like to return to with your spouse.

Also remember to scroll down until you find the “Follow” button, enter your email, and reply to the confirmation email, so that you can receive one new post each week via email from Belle of the Ballpoint.  It’s free and offers tips on ways you can find more romance in your relationship.  Also please “like” my posts on www.facebook.com/belleoftheballpoint and check out my boards on www.pinterest.com/nancyrose9  You may also reach me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net

Date Ideas to Warm Your Heart

Staring out the window at trees wearing only half of their leaves, while sipping hot Darjeeling tea, I am almost fooled into believing it is cold outside.  While it is January and my friends further north have been dealing with freezing temperatures for a few weeks, it is a comfy 79 degrees where I live.  Although it is expected to get cooler on the weekend, it will still be a far cry from feeling like winter.  And yet, I yearn to do something different for fun, something that I wouldn’t do in the middle of summer.

Heart carved from ice I found at the attraction: ICE! featuring the Nutcracker at the Gaylord Palms Orlando

Whether you are someplace cold or in a tropical climate, your romantic life can grow stale, if you don’t try something new once in a while.  The following winter date ideas offer some suggestions of things you can do with your spouse during the colder months.  Although a few of these require snow, many of these suggestions can be carried out regardless of the climate in which you reside.

1. Enjoy a coffee tasting. Go on a search for the perfect cup, either by going to different coffee shops and sampling the different types or buying several flavors and brewing them at home. The same thing works just as well with tea. A few years ago, my husband and I signed up for a tea seminar and tasting. Not only did we learn about all of the different kinds of tea, we had fun finding out which ones we both liked and joking about the ones that were awful!
2. Take a drive to the nearest city and search out a little culture by going to a concert, museum, play, or art gallery.
3. Go ice skating, sledding, have a snowball fight, build a snowman, or make snow angels followed by hot chocolate.
4. Rent movies with a winter theme like, Trans-Siberian, North Face, Grumpy Old Men, Fargo, Into the White, Whiteout, Love Actually, Frozen, or Doctor Zhivago, and snuggle up under a blanket with your spouse.
5. Go to a comedy club.
6. Warm up in some hot springs or a hot tub.
7. Go to a hockey game.
8. Head to a ski resort for the afternoon and take snowboarding lessons or go snowshoeing.
9. Go antiquing or visit thrift stores or used bookstores in search of special treasures.
10. Take a cooking class together. If none are offered in your area, there are several really good courses available on DVD that you can order online. Just pop in the DVD, have some fun preparing the food with each other, light some candles, and enjoy the fruits of your labor.

This week, give one of these ideas a try or come up with your own favorite winter date.  I’d love to hear how it goes.  Please leave a comment or email me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net

Growing an Entwined Life

Today is my husband’s birthday.  Next week is Thanksgiving.  Before I know it, Christmas will be here.  So many occasions in such a short period of time, with each of them requiring some kind of special effort involving food, and gifts, and decorations, and other preparations to help us celebrate.  Of course, the endless duties of regular life don’t disappear just because of a holiday.  And even though I always manage to get everything done, sometimes I find myself wondering if it is all more trouble than it’s worth.

This year, I thought about simply going out to eat at a restaurant for Thanksgiving.  It seemed very appealing at first, especially when considering it would mean no cleaning the house, no figuring out every detail and ingredient of the menu, no baking, no cooking, no dragging out the good china and crystal to set a beautiful table, and no dishes for my husband to wash (yes, he does do the dishes, bless his heart).  Hubby and I could rest and take it easy, our only task consisting of opening a menu and placing our orders or making our way up to the buffet.  Then, after sufficiently stuffing ourselves, we could go home and take a nice, long nap.

It sounded like the perfect holiday to me.  For some reason, our grown children did not agree.  Our son, who recently started a new job, was unable to provide us with his work schedule, making it impossible to come up with the specific time necessary to make dining reservations at restaurants that book up early, particularly on a day like Thanksgiving.  Our daughter not only wanted what she refers to as “home food”, but also requested that we continue a new tradition we started last year, when we spent Thanksgiving weekend in a small cabin in the middle of a pine and cypress forest.

Bamboo plant I found in a shop. I love how it forms a heart and is growing together!

So, you guessed it, next week my husband and I will not only be doing everything we normally do for the holiday, but we will also be packing up our clothes, as well as all of the pots and pans, measuring cups and spoons, cutlery, aluminum foil, serving pieces, and, of course, the turkey and all of the ingredients to make our Thanksgiving meal in a tiny kitchen in a little cabin in the woods.

As I try to remember what else we took last year, I recall how we strung a few Christmas lights on the railing of the cabin’s deck.  We also took along some charcoal, a tablecloth for the outdoor picnic table, and the fixings to make S’mores and hot dogs on the grill, during our third evening in the cabin, after we had grown tired of eating turkey.

Now that I think about it, we did have fun last year.  Besides the cabins, there were people camping in RVs and some of them went all out in decorating their sites.  We took walks, went fishing, ate a big country breakfast, and looked at the stars.  And then there were the leftovers.  There’s nothing quite like a midnight snack of pumpkin pie and a turkey sandwich with cranberry sauce.  We wouldn’t be able to get that if we went to a restaurant.

I’m glad my kids are holding me to our family traditions.  Even though some of our holiday customs have been in our family since the kids were little, some were added just last year, and we may include something new this year and in the years ahead, the important thing is that we are having experiences together that are helping us bond, make memories, and find a way of doing things to form and grow our identity as a family.

I have decided I would like it to be the same way within my marriage.  We already do have a few traditions.  For example, every New Year’s Eve we toast each other with sparkling grape juice and make sure we give each other a kiss on the stroke of midnight.  President’s Day weekend has become a time when my husband and I go away alone together to a hotel for a mini romantic vacation.  We snuggle up together with a mug of hot cocoa on the first cold day of each year.  I know that my husband will bake brownies for me on every one of my birthdays and he will give me Godiva dark chocolate on Christmas and Valentine’s Day, just as he knows I will get him his favorite coffee ice cream cake on his birthday.  We each get to choose the restaurant we want for our own birthday dinner.  Every Thanksgiving morning, we can be found watching the Macy’s parade on television together before all of the cooking begins.  We have spent a part of many of our anniversaries watching our wedding video.  We always hold hands when we walk together and as we sit in church.  On the fourth of July, we can be found somewhere watching fireworks and on Easter, we go out to brunch after church.  We have also maintained collections over the years, including wine corks from special dinners and Disney pins that commemorate some special event, or a hotel, or restaurant, or other memory we enjoyed together at Walt Disney World.  Just looking through our collection of pins together brings back the memories and the good feelings associated with the fun times we had with each other.

There is something special about keeping the same practices.  And even though I want to keep every single one of ours, I think it is a good idea to add a few new customs once in awhile, just to keep things fresh and to keep us growing even more connected to each other.  This year, I added something new to make my husband’s birthday a little more special.  I sent him several emails throughout the day with images I found on the internet, some funny and some serious quotes wishing him a happy birthday.  I even found a romantic video on YouTube, complete with music, images of couples walking along a beach, and printed words that expressed how much I loved him.  I think he liked it because, not only did he send me an email telling me how romantic it was, but he told me how he thought about the emails all the way home from work.

Another addition I am considering involves making a romance journal in which we can keep pictures and record notes of romantic dinners, dates, and memories and then setting aside time to look through the scrapbook with each other.  My husband suggested that we take a picture as a couple each year on Valentine’s Day or our wedding anniversary and put them all in a photo album so that we can see ourselves growing old together.

Regardless of whether or not you currently have romantic traditions, it is never too late for you to add some.  The activities and the time spent with your spouse will help you become more entwined as a couple, growing roots made up of happy memories that will help keep your marriage strong and bring more joy into your life.

Please leave a comment about this post or share some of your favorite romantic traditions.  If you enjoyed this blog and would like to receive an email with a new post each week, please remember to sign up to follow Belle of the Ballpoint.  You may also reach me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net

The Romance of Playing

My husband and I recently had the pleasure of spending a few days with my sister, my brother-in-law, and my two nieces on a mini vacation. The purpose of the trip was to spend some fun, quality time with family, and that is exactly what happened.  We talked and shared with each other while relaxing in the hot tub and sauna.  We listened (and danced a little) to street music, watched giraffes, zebras, ostriches, flamingoes, and wildebeests, and rode buses, boats, and monorails.  My nieces and sister made art, I played pool with my brother-in-law, my husband played checkers with our niece, and all of us laughed.  We even visited a few shops, ate some ice cream, had a few good meals in restaurants, and played 18 holes of mini golf.

We had good times together and I believe it brought us all closer together. Even though we stay in contact with text messages, phone calls, and Facebook, even though we see each other at various family gatherings and holidays throughout the year, there is something different that happens when people get together just to have fun and play.  It adds a layer of richness to their relationship and joy to their life.

Vintage heart clock with a couple swinging: a gift I received from my husband

The same thing is true within a marriage. Relationships that are enriched with laughter and fun will be able to hold up better when difficulties arise.  The following quote on having good times together, taken from Harmony in Marriage (published in 1939) says:  “Recreation, especially, lightens burdens of fatigue and care, and at the same time promotes harmony and gives life a good taste.  It is well named when it re-creates, and every home ought to build into its experience plenty of good times planned and carried out together.  Therefore, the two should be alert to find the available things that are fun to do together.”

And please do not overlook that important last word: “together”. I know many people who spend plenty of time enjoying their own hobbies and interests, but they do very few fun activities with their spouse.  Perhaps you can learn to enjoy something your spouse does for recreation.  If you have tried and it just isn’t your idea of a good time, then look for activities you both can enjoy.

The following poem, also taken from Harmony in Marriage, although somewhat dated, still sums it up nicely:

Happy is the wife

Who knows how to be a playmate

To share and enrich her husband’s leisure

And happy is the husband,

Who is giver of good times,

And a comrade to his wife.

For many burdens and cares

Must be shared within the home,

But in good times together,

They lay up larger stores of joy. 

Look for something fun to do with your spouse. Find a way to play.  You can try some of the activities we enjoyed on our little getaway or come up with your own.  Play checkers or a board game.  Play pool, or miniature golf, or real golf, or tennis.  Fly a kite or fly high up into the sky on a swing.  Ride bicycles or horses.  Go fishing or swimming.  Jump in the leaves.  Play in the snow.  Paint a picture or put a puzzle together.  Go hiking or do karaoke.  It doesn’t really matter what you do as long as you both enjoy it.  By playing and having fun together, you will give yourself and your spouse the gift of a full and happy life.

A Heart as Art, Or Art for the Heart

As many of my readers know, I draw inspiration for a large number of my blog posts from various heart-shaped items that I have either found and photographed myself, or that have been sent to me by others. These images have included a potato chip, a clock, a chicken sandwich, a picture frame and everything from a waffle, to an opening in the clouds, to an antique curio table.  The one common feature of all of these items is that they are all shaped like hearts.

It is amazing how, once I began looking for hearts, they started popping up everywhere. A few of my readers have reported the same experience.  So, it was no surprise to me how, on a recent stroll around the House of Blues, it was a small heart embedded in a huge piece of outdoor art that caught my eye.

Close-up of a heart in a work of art

Now, you have to understand, this work was much taller than me. It was made from something like cement and it had all kinds of trinkets planted in it.  Items such as golf tees, picture frames, a seahorse, and sparkly pieces of jewelry adorned the sculpture; yet, it was the heart in the center of the whole thing that caught my eye.

Although my first thought was how the heart contributed to the piece of art, as a writer who specializes in romance, I wondered if the reverse was also true. I considered how art contributes to the heart.

Art is a form of communication. It expresses ideas that often cannot be expressed any other way.  It brings beauty, emotion, and a new way of looking at things to those who enjoy it.  Art can also be an experience that people share and take pleasure in together.  When I thought about it, I realized that all of these features are important in a marriage as well.

Maybe you can learn something more about romance while appreciating art with your spouse. Go to an art museum or a dance performance.  Buy a sketchbook and spend an afternoon drawing each other’s portraits.  Go for a walk together and take photographs which you can later use to make a collage to remember the day.  Read a book of poetry to your spouse and talk about which poems you each like the best.  Take an art class together.  Mix a CD of songs your spouse will enjoy.  Finger paint.  You may find that the two of you have new common interests or, at the very least, something fresh to talk about.  Remember, anything that can help keep your relationship exciting and refreshed is a work of art in itself.

Breaking Bread, Breaking the Silence

Have you ever been in a restaurant and noticed a couple sitting together, eating their meal in total silence?  Have you ever worried that you might be turning into that couple who seems to have nothing left to say?

Although I am sure almost everyone struggles to come up with interesting topics from time to time, I am not talking about the occasional, normal lull in conversation.  I am referring to that awkward deafening silence that cannot be overlooked.

I witnessed an example of this last weekend, while having breakfast with my husband.  Waiting for our waitress to finish at a nearby table, so I could let her know there was a problem with my order, I couldn’t help but wonder what in the world was taking her so long.  Turning in my seat toward her, I overheard a male customer chatting with her.  This guy wasn’t just asking a question or ordering his food.  He was having a full-on conversation with her.  He talked, and talked, and talked, until finally I had to say, “Excuse me”, in order to get some service.  After the waitress turned her attention away from the customer, there wasn’t another peep out of him.  He sat there, for the better part of an hour, in total silence, not saying a single word to his wife.

Loaf of bread served in a restaurant. One piece was found in the bread basket, squashed into the shape of a heart. Found by Morgan Madsen.

Over the years, I have seen plenty of couples not speaking to each other; however, lately, I have been noticing more and more examples like this one: cases of couples who clearly are capable of carrying on lively discussions, but seem to have more to say to a near stranger than to their own spouse.  Although I am sure there are a number of different reasons for this phenomenon, I am more interested in coming up with a solution than in figuring out why the problem exists.

As simplistic as this may sound, there is only one way to make sure you and your spouse don’t turn into “that couple”.  You simply have to talk to each other.

For some people, that is easier said than done.  I know some aren’t as verbal as others.  I also know that, when you limit topics to ones that would be considered “romantic”, many of us are really at a loss.  For these reasons, I am going to list some of my favorite ideas for conversation starters to use with your spouse.  Take your loved one out for dinner, lunch, breakfast, coffee, or ice cream, and try out some of these:

#1 When you first met: Talk about what you liked about your spouse, when you knew you were in love with them, what you still like about them, and why you’d choose them all over again.  Ask them to do the same.

#2 Memories: Talk about your favorite vacations together, holidays, and happiest times.

#3 The future: Talk about goals and dreams, personal and shared.  Talk about the long-term as well as something more immediate, such as three things you both would like to learn or accomplish before your next birthday.

#4 Self improvement: Talk about your own flaws and what you would like to do to work on them.

#5 Preferences: Talk about likes and dislikes and how they have changed over time.

#6 Sex: Discuss any issues in the bedroom, as well as things you like.

#7 Proud moments: Share stories of achievements in your life and talk about how they made you feel and why they mattered.

#8 Date ideas: Talk about activities you would both like to do and places you would like to go.  Make plans for a date.

#9 Beliefs: Share what is really important to you in terms of your relationship with God or your beliefs in matters of faith.  Discuss what is going on in that area of your life.

#10  Just for fun: Talk about hobbies, which song makes you think of your spouse, the biggest surprise of your life, your favorite romantic movie, the silliest thing you ever did, the most disgusting thing you ever did, and a secret your spouse doesn’t know about you.

You have nothing to lose.  Talking more with your spouse will not only help you form a stronger bond, but will also bring some of the excitement back to your relationship.  If you have any favorite topics of conversation, please share them in the comment section.

A Letter and Some Movies

A romantic date at home can sometimes be a necessity.  In last week’s blog, I shared some of the favorite stay-at-home dates I have had with my husband.  There was one romantic appointment I did not share, because it was a bit different from the rest.  It was different because, unlike the other dates I described that were purely for fun, this one was actually more of a necessity.

There are several reasons why it might be essential for a couple to have a date at home.  Sometimes they must stay home because of their children.  Sometimes it is because of finances.  And sometimes it is because they are having problems in their relationship, problems that might make them feel so disconnected from one another that they don’t even really want to go out together to have fun.

Be Our Guest Bowl I ordered online that arrived damaged in the mail with a heart-shaped chip!

That was the case in my own marriage.  That was why, one Valentine’s Day, when I was struggling to come up with an idea for a gift for my husband, I decided it was more important to figure out a way for us to do something together.  This came at a time when that was just about one of the last things I really felt like doing.

I went to a local discount store and headed straight toward the DVD section.  There, I wandered around, looking at all of the movies, until I found ones that would fit the bill.  I chose some that were funny, some that were romantic, and some that were dramatic.  After making my selections, I went home, spread the DVDs out on a table, and wrote a letter to my husband, including the names of the movies in my narrative.  The movies I chose were The Grass Is Greener, The Marriage Counselor, Indiscreet, Couples Retreat, and The Bucket List.

Although I used this idea on Valentine’s Day, you can certainly do this any time.  You can also modify it, so that it doesn’t cost any money, by checking out movies from your local library or by borrowing them from friends.  Choose whatever types of movies you like and write a letter to go along with your choices.  It doesn’t matter what you write, as long as it comes from the heart, includes the titles of the movies, and has some meaning to you and your spouse.  And, of course, as long as it does something to promote romance in your relationship.  The following is what I wrote in the actual letter I gave to my husband:

Dear Greg,

I’m certain you know that I have been struggling with the temptation of the idea that The Grass Is Greener.  I have also suggested that perhaps the only one who can give us what we need is The Marriage Counselor.  But what I really believe would help us more than anything is romance.  We should be Indiscreet when it comes to being passionate, just like we were in Caneel Bay.  In fact, if we had the means, I might suggest we go off together to some vacation paradise for our very own, very private Couples Retreat.  Then, maybe I would somehow be able to get back to the overwhelming love I once felt for you.  Maybe it would last.  Maybe the two of us could spend our lives together in a great adventure in which we would check off all kinds of amazing experiences from The Bucket List.  And then we would grow old together, sit together on a porch swing, and remember the great life we had made.

After he read the letter, we spent the weekend watching the movies, laughing, cuddling, and talking.  We needed something that would help us feel reconnected and would bring a bit of romance back into our life.  And, I am happy to say, we were able to find that, right there at home.

Romance at Home

I believe in romance.  I also believe in all of the topics I have written about: posts that encourage spouses to show their love for one another with gestures, pet names, love letters, planned dates, public expressions of love and good manners, writings about noticing small acts of love from others and carrying out a few ourselves, stories of special memories of how someone met their spouse, or of their wedding proposal, or of their honeymoon, advice from readers about what makes their relationship work, and one guest blog about how music can keep the romance alive and another about creating a legacy of love for our children.

These all sound like topics with which most people would agree, yet I have encountered a few who seem to think what I write about is not a very weighty subject, and, as a result, they dismiss it out of hand as fluff.  Once again, this week, I turn to the antique book I mentioned in my last post.  The following words, taken from Harmony in Marriage, are still relevant today and explain one of the reasons I write about romance.

Heart birdhouse I found at a little antique shop.

“The vows at the altar do not make further courtship unnecessary, but prepare the way for it to be more complete.  Persons who have learned how to please each other before marriage ought to continue to develop this art afterwards.  Law, custom, and a marriage certificate cannot make a home, and even the promise to love while life shall last is not complete unless it is carried out continually in words and acts.  Married people should be lovers and sweethearts no less than engaged people are, but more, each stimulating the normal love impulses of the other by being provokingly lovable.  The period before marriage is an apprenticeship in love.  After marriage comes fulfillment.

People who continue their lovemaking at home do not need to seek comfort from outside adventures, nor even to spend much on expensive entertainment; but the home in which either one is starved in the emotional expression of love is an incomplete home and more subject to the invasion of outside attachments.”

That sounds like reason enough to me to encourage romance in marriage.  And, since this quote refers to what happens at home, I thought it would be appropriate to write about romantic dates you can actually have at home.  Although there are plenty of ideas out there, I have decided to share a few from my own life and hope that my husband will not mind.

One of my favorite stay-at-home dates had a beach theme.  After dinner, my husband led me out onto our deck, where he had set up our hammock.  He turned on a CD player, and popped in a disc filled with the sound of all kinds of ocean waves.  There were very soft, lapping waves that reminded us of our honeymoon in St. John, and louder, crashing waves.  There were also mosquitoes.  When we could no longer tolerate them biting, we moved our beach indoors, turned on an oscillating heater to make it feel warm like the beach, pushed “play” to restart the ocean waves, and ate a tropical dessert that involved mango sorbet and fresh raspberries.

Another time, I decided we should have a Lady and the Tramp night.  We were still living in Virginia at the time and I was missing Tony’s Town Square Restaurant at Disney World, which is based on the restaurant where Lady and the Tramp had their first kiss in the movie, and is a place my husband and I went to on several occasions while we were in Florida. Since we couldn’t go to the restaurant, I did my best to recreate it at home.  I made little Lady and Tramp paper decorations, including a paper lantern with the name of the restaurant, and played a CD of music from Tuscany, while we ate takeout from one of our favorite Italian restaurants. Afterwards, we watched the movie on DVD.

Over the years, we have enjoyed indoor picnics on a blanket on our family room floor, backlit with large metal candelabra in front of the fireplace.  We have turned off all the lights and danced for hours in the living room from everything from disco to classical.  We have played romantic board games, such as An Enchanted Evening, that called for verbal responses that were positive and supportive as well as activities like kissing.  And we have even done ridiculous things, like the time my husband performed the Pas de Deux (a dance duet) from a ballet with a giant stuffed ape as his partner, simply for my enjoyment.  I loved that one, and can’t recall any other time in my life when I laughed so hard. (Sorry, Hubby, your secret is out, a definite disadvantage to being married to a writer!)

This is just a sampling of the many different ways you can keep the romance going in your home.  I hope you, dear reader, will try some of your own stay-at-home dates.  But, most of all, I hope you will join me in believing in romance!

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