A Touching Romance

Steamy or sweet, erotic or inspirational, most romance novels feature the sense of touch in a prominent role.  There is nothing like fingertips lightly grazing a cheek, lips barely touching, or hands tightly entwined, to communicate closeness between two people.  Romance writers often turn to the sense of touch to add details that strengthen the story and the connection between two characters.  This isn’t true only in fiction, as the same can be said about this sense’s effect on couples involved in real-life love stories as well.

Of course, my last statement assumes that both partners have similar comfort levels when it comes to touching, which isn’t always the case.  We all know some people are huggers and others are not.  One person might be comfortable with public displays of affection, while their spouse might be embarrassed at the thought of others witnessing what they consider to be a private moment.  As with any other romantic gesture, one size does not fit all and individual differences must be taken into account if you want your efforts to bring more romance into your relationship.  For example, it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to book a couples massage at a spa if your spouse doesn’t like the idea of being touched by a stranger. Please remember to always keep your spouse’s preferences in mind when considering ways to incorporate the sense of touch into your romantic repertoire.

A simple gesture that goes a long way when it comes to adding romance is hand holding.  My husband and I hold hands everywhere we go, especially on our evening walks around the neighborhood.  I tend to walk much slower than my husband and, without realizing it, whenever we didn’t hold hands, he would easily get ahead of me.  Sometimes it even felt like we were participating in separate activities as I struggled to keep up with him.  There’s just something about us holding on to each other as we walk side-by-side at the same pace that makes me feel more connected to my husband.  This form of touch has spread into other activities, and we often reach for each other’s hands while watching television, across the table in restaurant, and as we sit together in church.

As it turns out, I learned there is a scientific reason for feeling more connected when we hold hands.  I recently read an article about how touch releases hormones into the blood that are responsible for making relationships stronger by making people feel more connected to the person touching them.

Old-fashioned machine I spotted at Disney’s Boardwalk Inn

Hand holding isn’t the only kind of touch that evokes a physiological reaction.  A kiss or a gentle caress opens up the blood vessels under the skin.  Besides all the other benefits of massage, such as increasing circulation, reducing muscle tension, lowering anxiety, and improving sleep, this type of touch also increases affection by causing the release of oxytocin and serotonin, which make people feel more connected.  Plus, massage is an activity that allows you to spend time simply doing something together.  There are many books and DVDs out there that teach various massage techniques you and your spouse can try out on one another in the private comfort of your own home.  Some stimulate the sense of touch even more with the addition of heat, oil, or even an ice cube, slowly melting across the body on a warm day.

Or how about trying a quick activity like running your fingers through your spouse’s hair or closing your eyes and tracing their face with your fingertips?  Not only does this not require any advance planning or special paraphernalia, but it can also enable you and your love to feel a special connection that you don’t have with anyone else, heightening the sense of romance between the two of you.

For more tips on how to add romance to your relationship, please “Follow” this blog and my boards at www.pinterest.com/nancyrose9 .  Remember to “Like”, comment, and share this post.  You may also email me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net

A Good Love Story

Surely, everyone loves a good love story, right?  It certainly seems as if this would be true, especially since tales of love between two people and happy endings have turned romance books into a billion-dollar-a-year industry.  From sweet to steamy, Christian to paranormal, and everything in between, there are all kinds of stories that fall into the category of romance.  And, according to Romance Writers of America, there are all kinds of readers as well, with 84% of them women and 16% men, and all ages represented, although the majority are aged between 30 and 54.

Gift from early in our marriage

Despite the popularity of this genre, there are some critics out there who seem to think romance is a bad thing.  The detractors are not making reference to books that go against their belief system or are offensive in some way.  Instead, they are pronouncing all romance novels as being bad for marriages because they set up unrealistic expectations about how marriage is supposed to be.

I think this is as ridiculous as saying all good restaurants are bad because they set up unrealistic expectations about how food is supposed to be.  And, just as a fantastic meal together adds benefits both people can enjoy, such as having something different than the same old boring dinner, enjoying the treat of being waited on and made to feel special, and adding some fun to spice up everyday life; romance novels offer many of the same rewards, especially if they are used as a source of ideas for making your marriage more enjoyable and bringing you and your spouse closer together.

An even more creative way to use a romance novel to improve your own relationship is to acquire one that actually stars you and your spouse!  Did you know there are several companies that specialize in producing personalized romance novels?  You provide information such as you and your spouse’s names, details such as how you met, what kind of car you drive, nicknames, hair color, favorite foods, and other facts, and they put it into a romance novel.

My husband actually surprised me with a few of these personalized romance novels over the course of several gift-giving occasions. (Well, it wasn’t actually that much of a surprise since I hinted that I wanted these.)  Each one is set in a different exotic location and range from mild to a little bit steamy, although there are several companies out there that specialize in explicit books, so you need to check the heat level if you don’t want something too erotic.

One of my favorites was set on a South African game reserve.  Not only did we go on safari in the story, but we had to deal with a killer on the loose!  Greg was my hero and he vowed to protect me, whatever it took.  The story was fun, although it was a bit ridiculous at times.  The book was made even more entertaining by the fact that we took turns reading it aloud to one another and laughing at our adventures and at how the book had us making love every couple of pages!

If you want to find a personalized romance novel, just try doing an internet search for “romance novel starring you” or “personalized romance novels” and lots of different companies will appear.  Some are more well-written than others, but even a poorly written novel can provide a fun activity for you and your spouse if you read it together.  It’s funny how much I got into the storyline and actually started feeling as if Greg and I were teaming up together against the bad guy in the book.  And, of course, I had to give him a kiss because he was my hero!

If you are a bit creative or are looking for a more economical alternative, you can always write your own romance.  It doesn’t have to be an entire book.  Even a short story about you and your spouse on a romantic adventure, read together, can add a bit of fairy-tale romance to your real world marriage.

Give it a try and let me know how your story turns out.  For more ideas, remember to hit the “Follow” button on this blog and respond to the confirmation email.  You’ll receive one free email per week with more romantic tips and stories.  Also, please check out my earlier posts, “Like” my Facebook page at www.facebook.com/belleoftheballpoint and follow me at www.pinterest.com/nancyrose9

And the Winner is… Romance

Whether it is through romantic thrillers, obstacle-filled dramatic love stories, or light-hearted romantic comedies, movies have often played a starring role in romance as a reliable date night idea.  Even though seeing a movie is common, that doesn’t mean it has to be boring.

As I contemplate how I would like to spend the weekend stretching before me, I remembered that the best films of the past year will be honored at the 87^th Academy Awards ceremony this Sunday.  This inspired me to come up with a way to incorporate the Oscars into my plans, as well as to make a few suggestions for date ideas for my readers who live in other parts of the world. (Since my husband also happens to be one of those readers, there goes any chance I had of surprising him!)

As many of you know, many of my weekends involve Walt Disney World in some way and this one is no exception.  I figured what better place to start an Academy Award-themed weekend than at Disney’s Hollywood Studios?  It just so happens there are a few special attractions there right now, including a photo opportunity with the gorgeous gold leaf carriage used in the new, live-action movie, Cinderella, which opens in three weeks.  Besides being something beautiful and fun to see, I thought the carriage would fit my theme because it is from a movie directed by an Academy Award-nominee, which also features an Oscar-winner as the wicked stepmother, and another Academy Award-nominee as the Fairy Godmother.  In addition to the carriage, Hollywood Studios is showing an extended sneak peak of Cinderella, which I think will be fun.

Next, my husband and I are going to head over to the Disney Animation building, where we are going to experience “My Oscar Moment”.  Once there, we will get to walk the red carpet and pose with an authentic Oscar statuette.  This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to have our photos taken with an actual Oscar and I think my husband and I will both get a kick out of it!

After posing with our Oscars, I’m sure we’ll be hungry, so I made a lunch reservation at The Hollywood Brown Derby.  This is one of my absolute best-loved restaurants.  The décor reflects the glamour of the Golden Age of Hollywood with walls covered with caricatures of all of the old movie stars.  After eating, we will probably go on The Great Movie Ride, which is one of my husband’s favorites.  It uses Audio-Animatronics, special effects, and projections to showcase classic films inside a building that was modeled after Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood.

Candy Conversation Hearts

Since that is probably enough for one day and we do have other things we need to get done, I’m going to ask my husband if he wants to wait until Sunday afternoon to go to the movie theater to watch one of the Best Picture nominees.  As I was checking the listings, I noticed that our local theater is showing the collection of the 2015 Oscar nominated Animation Shorts and a separate showing of the nominated Live Action Shorts, in addition to the individual nominated full-length films.  No matter where you live, it’s probably a safe bet that the nominated movies are being shown this weekend at a theater nearby.  Make sure you remember to hold hands and steal a kiss while you’re at it.

If you’d like to go above and beyond seeing a movie, perhaps you could plan an evening with an Academy Award winning theme.  You could dress up for a glamorous night at the Oscars complete with a dinner you make at home that matches the theme.  Believe it or not, there are all kinds of Oscar-themed recipes on the internet.  Some of the dishes go along with the nominated movie titles in amusing ways, such as Grand Budapesto Pasta, “Whiplash” Jazzy Chicken Drumsticks, and “The Imitation Game” Imitation Crab and Cucumber Salad.

If you prefer a more casual approach, you can watch the Academy Awards together and serve movie theater refreshments with a twist.  On foodnetwork.com you can find 50 different flavored popcorn recipes that will help you make your snacks something special.  Serve nachos, malted milk balls, or any of your sweetheart’s favorite movie theater foods, snuggle up under a big blanket, and share your predictions with each other about which films you think deserve to win.

If watching awards shows aren’t your thing, try playing a movie trivia game together.  In addition to numerous board games, there are also plenty of free games available on the internet.  Perhaps the winner gets a kiss.  That way, nobody loses.

If you enjoy watching movies, but don’t like to go to the theater or don’t like any of this year’s top films, consider watching classic movies that have won Academy Awards in the past.  Have an at home movie marathon of past Oscar winners that you can purchase on DVD or even check out for free from your local library.

Whatever you and your leading lady or leading man decide to do, make sure to roll out the red carpet to having fun with each other and share your stories with me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net

Please share your thoughts and “like” my posts here and at www.facebook.com/belleoftheballpoint .  Also check out my boards at www.pinterest.com/nancyrose9 .

Valentine’s Day Memories

Today, as I look forward to the plans my husband and I have made for this coming Valentine’s weekend, I also find myself looking back, recalling various Valentine’s Days from my past.  From those first pink and red heart-covered shoeboxes filled with little valentines from my elementary school classmates, to the preschool performance of my own son at age three, dressed in a tiny black tux with a red satin bow tie and cummerbund as he pointed directly at me while singing the words, “Valentine, valentine, I love you!”; from the year I was four months pregnant and had pneumonia with a two-year-old who also had pneumonia, to the year I received a phone call that my brother had taken his own life; and from the time I published an article promoting unique local Valentine gifts in my weekly newspaper column, to the time I went with my teenage daughter to a Valentine’s Day performance of the Vagina Monologues, a play which raises money to end violence against women and girls around the world; to say I have experienced many different types of Valentine’s Days is certainly an understatement.

Of course, many of my Valentine’s Day memories are of a more romantic nature.  Some have been hits.  Some have been misses.  Just like everything else in life.  There have been gifts, and poems, and special dinners, but as I sit here reminiscing, there is one Valentine’s Day that stands out for me as being the most romantic.

Vintage valentine I found on a recent outing to an antique store

The surprises of the day began early, as I opened my car door to head off to work.  My husband had covered every surface of the interior of my car with valentines.  Assorted cards that come in a boxed set, the kind that kids exchange at school, were taped to my seats, sun visor, windshield, even the steering wheel.  After admiring them for a few minutes, I carefully removed the cards and placed them in the passenger seat.  That was when I noticed a piece of paper that had a large number “1” printed on it.  Not completely sure what it meant, I put the piece of paper with the cards and drove to work.

The first half of my workday was uneventful, and I was glad when lunchtime arrived.  I joined my co-workers in the conference room where we ate together every day.  After I finished my sandwich, I returned to my office to get started on the pile of paperwork I knew was waiting for me.  I was completely surprised when I opened the door and discovered my office had been completely transformed.  Rose petals were strewn across my desk and chair, there was a large heart-shaped balloon, and, again, there were valentine cards everywhere, including all over the ceiling!  How my husband managed to get them way up there was a mystery, as was his ability to get into my office, especially since the doors to enter the building were always kept locked during our lunch period.  A few minutes later, the office manager appeared in my doorway and told me how he helped my husband sneak in while I was eating.  Everyone in the office had heard about what happened and came to get a peek.  Once the excitement died down, I opened the gigantic card that was propped up on a chair to see the number “2” written inside.  This was starting to get fun and it made me wonder if there would be any more surprises.

I worked for the remainder of the afternoon and had an uneventful dinner with my husband and children.  After the kids were in bed, I went out on my back deck for a few minutes.  When I turned to open the door, I could see there was a trail of rose petals on the carpet inside the house.  I was amazed at how stealthy my husband had become, wondering how I didn’t see him or hear him even though I was just on the other side of the glass door.  I looked for him, once I was inside the house, but couldn’t find him.  I followed the rose petal trail from the family room addition, through the kitchen, down the hallway, and into the bedroom where my husband stood. The petals continued up onto the bed where they ended with a bouquet of one dozen red roses, chocolates, a very poetic and romantic card and a piece of paper with a large number “3” printed on it, along with the words “Third time’s a charm”.  And, yes, indeed it was.

Hope you find lots of fairy-tale romance in your real world marriage.  Happy Valentine’s Day!

Please share your thoughts and “like” my posts here and at www.facebook.com/belleoftheballpoint . For great Valentine’s Day ideas, check out my boards at www.pinterest.com/nancyrose9 . You may also reach me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net

Romance Now, Romance Later

Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching.  From grocery stores and restaurants, to windows I pass on my evening walks through my neighborhood, there seem to be hearts everywhere I look.  For those of you who follow my blog, you know that I include a photo of a heart in each week’s post.  You would think this would be the perfect opportunity for me to snap enough pictures to last throughout the year. While it is true there are many hearts out there, I don’t want fifty-two photos of various sized heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and cutout paper heart decorations.  I want something different.

Last week, as I stood waiting at the post office, I found just the thing: mailers.  Large red envelopes decorated with white hearts, offered for sale on a rack of shipping supplies.  After I retrieved my phone from my purse and snapped a quick photo, I thought about how perfect these envelopes would be, not just for Valentine’s Day, but for presenting tokens of love throughout the year.  They would work quite well on anniversaries or any time someone wanted to give something romantic to their spouse in a heart-covered envelope.  The best part was they were not limited to use on one day of the year, since there was no mention of “Valentine’s Day” on the envelopes.

Heart-covered envelope I found at the post office

Similarly, love and romance should not be restricted to February 14^th.  Instead of viewing Valentine’s Day as the sole time during which one is obligated to give their spouse roses, chocolates, a card, or a dinner, I would like to suggest it is the perfect time to stock up on all kinds of romantic items for use throughout the year.

Take the party store, for example.  At this time of year, you can find all kinds of great stuff to use in planning romantic days and nights.  There are paper plates and drink ware covered with hearts for future romantic picnics and dinners.  Heart-shaped balloons and garlands and decorations that say “Be Mine” and “I Love You” can be purchased now and stored away for a surprise date at home with your spouse in the middle of summer. Red heart gift boxes, cookie cutters, cake pans, baking molds, and love-inspired baking cups to make special cupcakes for your special someone.  Or go online and look for bright red paper honeycomb centerpieces with hearts and cupids for a romantic table any time of year.

This is also a great time to look for heart-shaped lockets, bowls, paperweights, pillows, and a number of other gifts that you can save for your anniversary or any time you’d like to add some romance.  Of course, affectionate greeting cards are another item that can be found in abundance this month.  Why not stock up?  In this case, you don’t have to completely steer away from cards that have the words “Valentine’s Day” printed on them.  You can always grab a pen and add a few words of your own, changing the card so that it says something like “Every day with you is like Valentine’s Day”.

Even if you live in an area where there are few stores with Valentine items, you can still find all of these things on the internet.  Putting in a bit of effort now, will enable you to add a touch of Valentine’s Day throughout the year and to keep the fairy-tale romance in your real world marriage.

Please share your thoughts and “like” my posts here and at www.facebook.com/belleoftheballpoint . For more romantic tips and ideas, check out my boards at www.pinterest.com/nancyrose9 .  You may also reach me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net .

Mementos of Love

Sometimes the littlest actions can make the most impact, especially when it comes to creating traditions that will help you and your spouse bond.  This week, I would like to share one of my favorites.  Not only is this tradition easy to keep up, since you only have to do something once a year, but it is never too late to start, regardless of how long the two of you have been together.

In our case, the custom began before we were even married.  Every single year, since our very first Christmas together (while we were still dating), my husband and I have presented each other with an ornament on Christmas Eve.  It is important to note that these have not been just any old decoration or trinket, but something special that was deliberately selected because it either conveyed our feelings or helped us to recall the memories of good times we had together.

The first ornament my husband gave me was a snowman family standing together.  There were four snow people: a man, a woman, a little boy, and a little girl.  At the time, I was a divorced mother with, you guessed it, a young son and a daughter.  Although my husband did not propose to me for a few more months, it was his way of telling me he hoped we would become a family.

Ornament I gave my husband on our first Christmas as a married couple in 1999

Many of our ornaments over the years have been like this one, a simple expression of how we felt about one another.  They have included a serious pewter heart adorned with double wedding rings and the words “Our First Christmas” which I had engraved with the message “I Love You Greg!” and gave to my husband on the first holiday after our wedding, and a silly ornament from another year with the cartoon skunk, Pepé Le Pew, chasing the girl cat toward a big coffee mug that says “I Love You a Latte”.

There’s a little yellow smiley face couple kissing, drawn together by magnets that are located inside, and another ornament that is a cup of hot cocoa with a male and female marshmallow that plays a recording of a sexy male voice asking if she’s hot.

Some of our other ornaments reflect our specific interests and our spouse’s acknowledgement that these are things we like.  When I owned a bookstore, my husband gave me an ornament that had a stack of classic books on it.  Another time, he gave me one that looked like a box of my favorite chocolates and another that was made by Thomas Kinkade.  I gave him two of his favorite team, the Redskins, an ESPN Sports Center Santa, and one with the Grinch, a cartoon character he really likes.

We have ornaments that make us both smile, like the one that is a miniature replica of the house from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and plays the “Hallelujah Chorus” when the little Christmas lights come on, or the beautifully crafted glass donkey I gave my husband one year because he was being so stubborn.

Some of the best ornaments of all are the ones that represent some place we went or an activity we enjoyed together.  There’s the little jeweled teapot that reminds us of the tea seminar and tasting we attended, and the one of Moses that makes us laugh every year when my husband yells, “Let my people go!” as he hangs it on the tree, a shared memory of something he did to capture the attention of a bunch of sixth graders when he and I taught Sunday School together.

Since we are both Disney freaks, we have more than our share of Mickey ornaments, including ones from various Walt Disney World Resorts where we have stayed, one with a photo of our family in costume when we attended the Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party, and one of Mickey Mouse’s house that lights up and plays music.

We even have an ornament that represents our move from Virginia to our present town, a pretty green ball with our current town’s logo on it.  Looking at that ornament reminds us of the difficulties we overcame to get here and how we achieved a goal together.

And that is the best part of this tradition.  Each year, as we unwrap the ornaments and place each one on the tree, we share a memory, a laugh, and an appreciation of all of the Christmases, the years, and the experiences we have made it through with each other.

I challenge each of my readers to start this custom.  This year, buy an ornament for your spouse that represents something you have done together, or that has been important to the two of you.  It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it has meaning to you.  Please take a photo of the ornament before you wrap it and send it to me at nancy.rose9@comcast.net before December 21^st. One or more photos will be selected to be published in my Christmas Day post.

If you enjoyed this post, please “like” or leave a comment.  Remember to hit “follow” and enter your email address.  After responding to the confirmation email, you will receive one email per week with a new post.  Thanks again and I hope you find more fairy-tale romance in your real world marriage.

A Comfortable Romance

As I write this week’s post, I find myself with a raging fever, chills, and aches in muscles I didn’t know existed.  This is day four of my misery and, as I drift in and out of sleep, romance is just about the last thing on my mind.  Oddly, it is also what I need most of all.

More than sleep, more than Tylenol, more than plenty of fluids, I seem to crave extra love and attention whenever I am sick.  I blame my father.  After all, he was the first man who showed me special care when I was ill as a little girl.  Back then, my dad made his way straight home from work and headed to the sofa, where he would find me with my pillows and blanket and tissues and Nancy Drew books.  Sometimes he brought me sherbet to make my throat feel better, surprising me with orange, lime, or raspberry flavors.  Other times, he would pull up a chair and we’d play a few rounds of Chinese checkers.  He always asked me how I felt, but then tried his best to take my mind off of how bad I was feeling.  Of course I was still sick, but at least things somehow seemed better because I knew someone loved me.

Heart-shaped pocket on an apron I found at the Great American Pie Festival. It makes me think of home.

All these years later, I still appreciate the extra care and attention.  Over the past few days, my husband went to the store to get me chocolate ice cream and chicken noodle soup.  He brought me ginger ale with ice cubes and chilled water.  He rubbed my aching muscles and hugged me without exhibiting any fear that he might catch my illness.  He kept me company in the evenings.  He tried to be quiet when I was sleeping.  He even took the time to send me an email with photos of my favorite Disney characters pasted into the message, saying he was sorry I wasn’t feeling well and he hoped I’d be feeling better soon.

My husband made me feel special.  He made me feel loved. And he made me realize that romance is not always fancy dates and fireworks.  Sometimes romance is cozy, like a soft, old, cotton robe, like a nice long nap, like the warm, familiar comforts of home.

A Letter and Some Movies

A romantic date at home can sometimes be a necessity.  In last week’s blog, I shared some of the favorite stay-at-home dates I have had with my husband.  There was one romantic appointment I did not share, because it was a bit different from the rest.  It was different because, unlike the other dates I described that were purely for fun, this one was actually more of a necessity.

There are several reasons why it might be essential for a couple to have a date at home.  Sometimes they must stay home because of their children.  Sometimes it is because of finances.  And sometimes it is because they are having problems in their relationship, problems that might make them feel so disconnected from one another that they don’t even really want to go out together to have fun.

Be Our Guest Bowl I ordered online that arrived damaged in the mail with a heart-shaped chip!

That was the case in my own marriage.  That was why, one Valentine’s Day, when I was struggling to come up with an idea for a gift for my husband, I decided it was more important to figure out a way for us to do something together.  This came at a time when that was just about one of the last things I really felt like doing.

I went to a local discount store and headed straight toward the DVD section.  There, I wandered around, looking at all of the movies, until I found ones that would fit the bill.  I chose some that were funny, some that were romantic, and some that were dramatic.  After making my selections, I went home, spread the DVDs out on a table, and wrote a letter to my husband, including the names of the movies in my narrative.  The movies I chose were The Grass Is Greener, The Marriage Counselor, Indiscreet, Couples Retreat, and The Bucket List.

Although I used this idea on Valentine’s Day, you can certainly do this any time.  You can also modify it, so that it doesn’t cost any money, by checking out movies from your local library or by borrowing them from friends.  Choose whatever types of movies you like and write a letter to go along with your choices.  It doesn’t matter what you write, as long as it comes from the heart, includes the titles of the movies, and has some meaning to you and your spouse.  And, of course, as long as it does something to promote romance in your relationship.  The following is what I wrote in the actual letter I gave to my husband:

Dear Greg,

I’m certain you know that I have been struggling with the temptation of the idea that The Grass Is Greener.  I have also suggested that perhaps the only one who can give us what we need is The Marriage Counselor.  But what I really believe would help us more than anything is romance.  We should be Indiscreet when it comes to being passionate, just like we were in Caneel Bay.  In fact, if we had the means, I might suggest we go off together to some vacation paradise for our very own, very private Couples Retreat.  Then, maybe I would somehow be able to get back to the overwhelming love I once felt for you.  Maybe it would last.  Maybe the two of us could spend our lives together in a great adventure in which we would check off all kinds of amazing experiences from The Bucket List.  And then we would grow old together, sit together on a porch swing, and remember the great life we had made.

After he read the letter, we spent the weekend watching the movies, laughing, cuddling, and talking.  We needed something that would help us feel reconnected and would bring a bit of romance back into our life.  And, I am happy to say, we were able to find that, right there at home.

Romance at Home

I believe in romance.  I also believe in all of the topics I have written about: posts that encourage spouses to show their love for one another with gestures, pet names, love letters, planned dates, public expressions of love and good manners, writings about noticing small acts of love from others and carrying out a few ourselves, stories of special memories of how someone met their spouse, or of their wedding proposal, or of their honeymoon, advice from readers about what makes their relationship work, and one guest blog about how music can keep the romance alive and another about creating a legacy of love for our children.

These all sound like topics with which most people would agree, yet I have encountered a few who seem to think what I write about is not a very weighty subject, and, as a result, they dismiss it out of hand as fluff.  Once again, this week, I turn to the antique book I mentioned in my last post.  The following words, taken from Harmony in Marriage, are still relevant today and explain one of the reasons I write about romance.

Heart birdhouse I found at a little antique shop.

“The vows at the altar do not make further courtship unnecessary, but prepare the way for it to be more complete.  Persons who have learned how to please each other before marriage ought to continue to develop this art afterwards.  Law, custom, and a marriage certificate cannot make a home, and even the promise to love while life shall last is not complete unless it is carried out continually in words and acts.  Married people should be lovers and sweethearts no less than engaged people are, but more, each stimulating the normal love impulses of the other by being provokingly lovable.  The period before marriage is an apprenticeship in love.  After marriage comes fulfillment.

People who continue their lovemaking at home do not need to seek comfort from outside adventures, nor even to spend much on expensive entertainment; but the home in which either one is starved in the emotional expression of love is an incomplete home and more subject to the invasion of outside attachments.”

That sounds like reason enough to me to encourage romance in marriage.  And, since this quote refers to what happens at home, I thought it would be appropriate to write about romantic dates you can actually have at home.  Although there are plenty of ideas out there, I have decided to share a few from my own life and hope that my husband will not mind.

One of my favorite stay-at-home dates had a beach theme.  After dinner, my husband led me out onto our deck, where he had set up our hammock.  He turned on a CD player, and popped in a disc filled with the sound of all kinds of ocean waves.  There were very soft, lapping waves that reminded us of our honeymoon in St. John, and louder, crashing waves.  There were also mosquitoes.  When we could no longer tolerate them biting, we moved our beach indoors, turned on an oscillating heater to make it feel warm like the beach, pushed “play” to restart the ocean waves, and ate a tropical dessert that involved mango sorbet and fresh raspberries.

Another time, I decided we should have a Lady and the Tramp night.  We were still living in Virginia at the time and I was missing Tony’s Town Square Restaurant at Disney World, which is based on the restaurant where Lady and the Tramp had their first kiss in the movie, and is a place my husband and I went to on several occasions while we were in Florida. Since we couldn’t go to the restaurant, I did my best to recreate it at home.  I made little Lady and Tramp paper decorations, including a paper lantern with the name of the restaurant, and played a CD of music from Tuscany, while we ate takeout from one of our favorite Italian restaurants. Afterwards, we watched the movie on DVD.

Over the years, we have enjoyed indoor picnics on a blanket on our family room floor, backlit with large metal candelabra in front of the fireplace.  We have turned off all the lights and danced for hours in the living room from everything from disco to classical.  We have played romantic board games, such as An Enchanted Evening, that called for verbal responses that were positive and supportive as well as activities like kissing.  And we have even done ridiculous things, like the time my husband performed the Pas de Deux (a dance duet) from a ballet with a giant stuffed ape as his partner, simply for my enjoyment.  I loved that one, and can’t recall any other time in my life when I laughed so hard. (Sorry, Hubby, your secret is out, a definite disadvantage to being married to a writer!)

This is just a sampling of the many different ways you can keep the romance going in your home.  I hope you, dear reader, will try some of your own stay-at-home dates.  But, most of all, I hope you will join me in believing in romance!

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